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Married...With
Children Love at first sight. That's what it was for Eric and Greg when they first met seven years ago. It didn't take them long to figure out that they were perfect for one another. In fact, they moved in together just six weeks after they met. Eric explains, "I knew from the beginning (Greg) was the one because I was really attracted to his personality-the way he behaved and the way he is." "And we had an incredible sexual connection as well," Greg adds. "I mean, beyond anything either of us had ever experienced before. I think that helped with some of the bonding, initially." Not only did they mesh well sexually, but their personalities seemed tailor-made for one another. "We complement each other," Eric says. "We've been told that by other people. and have noticed that ourselves. Where I'm lacking, he's thriving, and where he's lacking, I'm thriving. It just balances." |
The Wolfson-Sagot Family (Clockwise from top left): Greg, Eric, Chris and Sammy. |
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This synergistic relationship has helped them understand each other's needs, and in the process, has created a relationship filled with romance. Greg explains, "We really make it a point to be romantic. Eric goes out of his way to make me feel special in a lot of situations. Sometimes, he'll bring home little surprises-like little treats from the grocery store. Or there might be a time when I'm feeling all worn-out and tired, and then he'll bring me something as simple as Pop Tarts. And I'll be like, 'Oh honey!' That's romantic." One of the ways that Greg and Eric have been able to reach such an understanding relationship is through open communication. Greg explains, "We really come to the table and say what's on our minds. We know we can trust each other." In times of difficulty, Greg and Eric also use open communication as a way of working through conflicts and as a way of keeping the relationship going. "You have to talk things through-a lot," says Greg. "You can't just cut and run. A couple of our friends have been in relationships that didn't work out because one of the people bailed." In Eric's words, "Those challenges are just part of the romance-part of romancing somebody. We tried to explain to those friends that we've gone through the same things as they did. We worked through that part and got through that. It's very difficult, but we made a commitment to each other from the beginning that we were going to be with each other-no matter what." Just one year after they met, Greg and Eric found themselves so deeply in love that they decided to make the ultimate commitment by taking their vows in a wedding ceremony. "Once we did that," Greg says, "there was a shift-there was a trust. Not that there wasn't trust before, but there was kind of a deeper trust. That no matter what the situation was, there would be nothing to hide from each other." Let's Have Kids The idea of raising kids had actually been on Greg's mind for a long time. He says, "I think I brought it up on our first date! It turned out that we both wanted to start a family." It wasn't until they got married, that the idea started to become a reality. Both started the process of becoming foster parents. Aside from all the paperwork and legalities associated with becoming a foster parent, Greg and Eric had to take a variety of classes including parenting skills, CPR, and First-Aid. They also had to modify their house so that it was "child-safe." Greg explains, "We had to change our living room. We had to round the corners of our coffee table so that it didn't have any sharp edges." Finally, both had to have their fingerprints taken by the FBI in order to make sure neither one of them had a criminal record. About the process, Greg reflects, "In a lot of ways, it was easy-at least to me it was. Other people think it's a lot of work, but when someone gives me a list of things I have to do, it is not very hard for me to accomplish the items on the list." Eric reflects, "You have to keep calling and calling and sending the same form over and over because (the county) loses things. Sometimes it seemed like things weren't going well for us, but it finally did because we kept at it." Although some might think that Greg and Eric's sexual orientation would have been a fork in the road to becoming foster parents, both Greg and Eric feel that it wasn't even a factor in the county's decision. If anything, the county was impressed that Eric, who is of Costa Rican descent, spoke two languages. Greg explains, "The (county) was excited that Eric spoke Spanish because there are so few licensed foster homes that are bilingual." Once the process was completed, Greg and Eric got their first foster child-a 1-year-old Latino boy named Christopher, and two years later, another 1-year-old Latino boy named Sammy-both of whom have now been legally adopted by Greg and Eric. And just a few months ago, Greg and Eric adopted a 3-day-old African American girl named Maggie. Looking back, the two dads realized that adoption through the foster care system was the best way for them to have kids. Greg explains, "For us, it would have been more work if we had to pay a lawyer $50,000 to procure a baby from the Midwest or to pay a surrogate mother $60-70,000 to manufacture a baby for us." Furthermore, Greg adds that, "Besides, there are 77,000 children in the Los Angeles County foster care system just waiting to be adopted. So why not adopt one of them?" Family Life Today, life in the Wolfson-Sagot family has been one great experience after another with support coming from everywhere-including the school that Christopher (now 5 years old) attends. "We've been warmly received by just about all the establishments," Greg says. "The schools just love us...There hasn't been one incident that we know about in which anyone has talked badly about us. And at this stage, you really would hear it from the kids. We had a babysitter once who didn't put Christopher in a car seat, and as soon as we got home, he told us. So it's like at their ages, they'll tell you everything." And how has the QV community reacted to the Wolfson-Sagot family? "A lot of QV people just don't want to deal with the fact we have kids," Eric says. "We've had a lot of strange experiences. Of course, if you go somewhere that is a typically QV establishment, you're going to get looks, especially if the kids make any noise-they (QV people) are not used to it. You have to learn not to care about people's perceptions and take care of the kids first." Greg and Eric do realize, however, that it is very important that their children meet other children of QV and lesbian parents. "Every Saturday we'd go to West Hollywood Park to let Christopher play, and we'd end up meeting a lot of other people (QV parents and children)," says Greg. This, in turn, has helped the children develop a good community of peers, who also have QV parents." And what do Greg and Eric tell their kids
about their family set-up? Greg says, "The way we've explained
it to Chris is that we (Greg and Eric) love each other so much
that we wanted to share our love with a baby-and make him part
of our family. Chris has never once asked, 'Why do I have two
dads and no mom?' He's always been, 'This is my daddy, and this
is my papi. This is how it is.'" Challenges and Rewards Raising children has certainly had its share of challenges and rewards, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges. For example, Greg explains that Sammy, now 3 years old, had some really special needs and issues that they had to deal with when they got him-he was deep in autism and could hardly communicate. But being able to satisfy those needs has been an awesome experience for Greg and Eric. Today, Sammy is doing much better, and is almost performing up to typical 3-year-old standards. "That's been a lot of work," Greg says. "We take him to speech therapy and find new ways of dealing with him. But the reward is that he is so happy and so well-adjusted. He's thriving and growing and changing and talking. He didn't even start talking until about eight months ago. His life was one huge frustration because he couldn't communicate at all. I'm so proud of him, and I'm proud of us (as parents) for getting him to the point where he could talk." In addition to Sammy's progress, Greg and Eric have found other rewards to parenting. Greg explains: "When you hear your child say something so loving and beautiful to another person, or you hear the teacher say, 'Christopher is everybody's best friend. He helps everyone learn how to ride their bike, and he's so patient and loving,' that's incredibly rewarding because you know that you had a hand in that." For Greg, one big reward he has found is the ability to give unconditional love to his children. Greg explains, "After my mom died, I felt a huge hole in my life because the one person, who loved me unconditionally, was gone. It wasn't until after we had Christopher that I learned the way to feel unconditional love (from others) is by me loving unconditionally. Christopher is probably the first person that I Iearned to love unconditionally. He just cracked open my heart so wide." Advice for Prospective Parents What advice does Eric and Greg have for others who might be interested in becoming foster or adoptive parents? First of all, don't let money be an issue-you don't need to earn a lot of money to become a foster parent. Eric explains, "(The foster care agency) just wants to make sure that you have a place to live and that you have a job. You can even become a foster parent if you live in a one-bedroom apartment." Secondly, Eric simply advises, "If you have a desire to be a parent, you should look into it. In fact, that goes for any desire a person might have. You should not be discouraged by things that you hear or by your own self saying, 'I can't do that.' You should always look into your dreams. You could be surprised by what can happen." Indeed, it is surprising what you can accomplish when you go for your dreams. Greg and Eric are a powerful example of what a loving couple with a lot of dreams can do together. -by qvStaff Roldán Be sure to get the full
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