Does Your Family Know?


In another one of our qvOnline polls, we asked our readers a series of questions about family. We received over 230 responses from people of various races and orientations. The first set of questions we asked had to do with being out to our families. Here's what you, our readers, told us:

Q: Are you out to your family?

30%---Yes, to all my family.

41%---Yes, to some of my family



Q: If you are out to your parents, how did they react when you first told them?

My father told me he loves me.
Mother was very distraught and sad for me. She saw how the majority of the world treated lesbians and QVs, and she was afraid for me. My father knows but has never brought the subject up. It's interesting because before he knew I was QV, my father never told me that he loved me, but after he found out, he told me that he loved me. That was nice to hear.

Mom couldn't believe it!
"No lo creo!" was what came out of my mom's mouth. Followed by an "Ay dios mio!" What can I say-she's Puerto Rican! I asked her if she wanted me to move out (I was prepared for the worst), but she said "Que, que? Are ju crazy? Why would you leave the house?" From that I knew that she'd get used to it. When I asked her if she had any suspicions (like all mothers supposedly "know"), she said that she did not have a clue. She said that she knew I used to sneak girls into the house, so it never crossed her mind. I used to sneak a lot of girls in my bedroom, but now, my boyfriends can come in anytime they want-no sneaking around. Now that's progress!

Dad kicked me out!
My father is an old fashioned Catholic Puerto Rican man. What do you think? He threw me out along with all my papers that stated I was his son. He swore up and down and told me he did not raise a "maricón." But I'm happy to say that he has adjusted, and we now live in harmony again. My mother always knew about her nene.

It was no big deal.
Both of my parents knew that I was QV since I was a child. I asked them about it, and they said that it is normal, "You are what you are in this world, and God made you that way." Both of my parents had no problem at all about me being QV. In fact my older brother is QV, too!

It was funny!
It wasn't a very pretty picture. Got caught in their bedroom! Ooops!!!

Mom went to talk to a priest.
My father was okay with it, but my mother was ashamed and felt guilty. She consulted a Catholic priest, and he told her it was okay.

Took some time for mom to accept.
When I first came out to my mother, she began to cry and was really hurt. She strongly believed that I chose to be this way and did not really understand why I would put myself in this position. She was really hurt, and we did not talk to each other for weeks. Later, she was more accepting to the point that she let my boyfriend move in with me in my house. We lived together for five months, and she was really sweet and understanding. Now, I realize that my mother and father love me no matter what sex I prefer to be with. I am their child, and they are my parents-that will never change.

My mom=La chismosa!
My mom told me she already knew but not to tell anyone else in the family. The next day, everyone knew-she wanted to be the one to tell the "chisme."

Mom wanted me to be happy.
My mother was very supportive. She said that she suspected I was QV, but that her primary concern was that I be happy.


Q: If you are not out to your family, why not?

My family's too old-fashioned.
My family seems to be "Old School Latinos." I'm only out to my brother who is also QV. My brother came out to my family members, but they don't want him to come out to my mom and dad. Since we were small, they always made sure we did manly-type stuff. They would not let us wear any thing that looked like what a girl might wear. They would always say, "You don't want to become like your cousin (who happened to be QV)." Their attitude was very homophobic.

I don't want to break the family bond.
First and foremost, I am the only son in my family. They would never believe me. I live in a traditional Mexican family. I am 19, and I am not ready to fly from the nest just yet. Whenever I do fly from the nest, I will probably talk to my mom and tell her what's going on inside me. So, I guess, to make a long story short, I don't know where I would go if they rejected me, even though I know they probably won't. But why risk the bond that mi familia has?

I don't want to hurt my parents.
The only people in my family that do not know are my parents. I am positive that my mama's heart would be crushed if she found out one of her kids was, "uno de esos." My father would also be devastated, but unlike my mom, he would most likely cut me off from his life.

I'm scared of rejection.
I am not out to my parents for the fear that they will reject me. Many times they have told me that if I am QV, they will banish me and treat me like an outsider to the family. I don't know what to do except stay quiet about it. I have a boyfriend, and he treats me with much respect and love. I don't know what to do except stay still and wait for a better day.

I don't think they'll accept it.
I'm not out for fear of losing my family. I don't think they will accept what I am. Also, I have a lot of friends whose families I'm close with, and I don't want to lose them, either. Basically, I don't want to be by myself. So for now, I have to stay on the down low.

Por miedo. I know it's a stupid reason, but it's what is holding me back.

I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to hurt them. I know they love me anyway, but it's the pain I don't want to put them though, even though I think they already know. I do want to tell my sisters because I don't think I need to hide from them.

I'm scared of their reaction.
I am not out to my parents because I am scared of how they will react. I am sure mom knows, but I am not positive. And dad, well, is the typical "macho Hispanic man." Heaven forbid he have an open mind about anything!

More survey questions and answers appear in the print version of qvMagazine!!!

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