Dear Papi

Dear mijos and nenes: Your dear Papi is happy to celebrate qvMagazine's 1-year anniversary with you! This means I've been with you for a full year giving you some papacito-to-hijito advice and that makes me very proud. Just remember that your dear ol' papi is always here to listen, advise, and help you-so feel free to ask me anything. Good luck and be sure to let Papi know how things turn out for you!

Dear Papi,
Well, I met this guy in a club-and ever since I met him, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. The problem is that he only lives two houses from where I live. The second time we talked, he invited me over to his house. I went and we talked about our likes and dislikes. The only thing that was running through my mind was that he wanted to have sex with me. Then he asked me if I wanted to do anything, and I said, "no." I might have been wrong for saying that because now he does not speak to me. I send him a letter every so often, but I never get a response from him. What should I do?
Desperately waiting.

Dear Desperately Waiting,
Mijo, your Papi thinks it's time to move on-I mean look for another man! Why do I say this? Because you should never feel wrong for saying "no" to anyone, especially when it comes to having sex. If someone discounts you on this basis, you have to ask yourself, "Do I really want to be with this kind of a person?" Papi knows there's plenty of men who will want to be with you-and who will want to get to know your mind first rather than knowing your body first. Forget the boy next door, and move on to something better. Let me know how it turns out.


Dear Papi,
A lot of my friends keep talking s**t and giving me beef 'cuz my man for two months is Dominican and black. He's light, but that doesn't matter to my homies and friends, who keep asking me why am I with him. It ain't even like that. I don't see him by his skin; he's my "honey bear." Well, can you help me or give me an opinion? Thanks.

Dear Juan,
Mijo, you're in the right! Of course, it doesn't matter if your man is white, black, Asian-or even Latino! Tell your friends that your friendship with them should be based on respect, and that is what you need from them now. Stand by your "honeybear" and let only your heart-not your friends-tell you who you can love or be with. Good luck with the two of you!


Dear Papi,
I've been seeing someone for the last month. I'm really starting to like him, but every now and then, he mentions that I shouldn't get attached because if I do, I will only get disappointed. What should I do? Should I cut my losses now, or should I stick it out? I mean we get along great. It's just that one thing sticks in my mind even though things are going great between us right now. Sincerely, Ay...why me?


Dear Ay...Why Me,
You need to get some answers from your man-ahora! What does he mean you shouldn't get attached and that if so, you will feel disappointed. Does he not want a serious relationship with you? Has he been just using you for the past month? It seems like your man does not want to commit-or maybe in his mind, to commit means to feel "trapped," "to not be free," "to not being able to look at other men-even if it's just for fun!" "to miss out-especially on dating other men," or "to miss out on other potential sexual opportunities." You need to find out his reasons, and take it from there. Once you know why, then you can make a better decision to wait or leave.

Dear Papi,
There's something missing in my life, but the thing is, I'm afraid of it. Papi, it's love that I hurt from. So many times people I gave my love to betrayed me. I'm a 20-year-old Latino in Phoenix, AZ, who's afraid of love. It's like the more love I give, the more I feel hurt. I just got out of a relationship, where my precious love, my man, betrayed me and beat me. He was a man who said, "I love you" but expressed it with his hands. I'm not looking for true love, anymore. I'm just afraid of it coming back. Papi, por favor, help this young Latino heart with your words and advice.

Dear Hurt,
Ahh! Mijo, the minute someone hits you-that is no longer a love relationship. You were smart to get out and move on! So right now if you are afraid of love, take some time off from the "love game." We all need to do it in order for us to find ourselves-to heal our wounded hearts and to generate our inner strengths. Enjoy the company of your family and friends-all of whom can support you unconditionally. And when you are ready to date, begin slowly. Go out and meet people-but just as friends. Think just because love hasn't always been good to you in the past doesn't mean it won't get better now. If and when a friendship is meant to be more, let it evolve naturally as you will have a better understanding of your partner-to-be. And no matter who you date, should a relationship ever turn into an abusive one, walk away-you don't need that in your life! Good luck, mijo.

Write to Dear Papi! E-mail him on the internet at qvmagazine@aol.com. Please address all letters to Dear Papi.

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