Dear Papi


Dear Papi's Advice


Dear Papi,
My name is Lawrence and I'm in this "somewhat of a relationship" with this young man. The problem is that he keeps on lying to me about little things. I'm the type of person who doesn't take lying from anyone-even if they're my boyfriend or not. So how should I handle this? Thanks.

Dear Lawrence,
I think you have already made up your mind for yourself. If you decide not to handle lies in a relationship, then definitely move on. If your relationship with this guy is, as you say, "somewhat of a relationship," then it should be easier to get out. Of course, nobody needs lies in a relationship. Lies create tension and unnecessary mistrust between people-especially between two boyfriends. But before you give him an ultimatum, give him one more chance. Make it clear to him that you need a relationship based on honesty, and if he's not the guy to give you that honesty, then tell him you will have to look for a guy who will.


Dear Papi,
This is my dilemma. I have a roommate. He used to like me a lot, but I thought he got over it. Every time I would go on a date, he would get upset and not give me support like a true homie, so I put 2 and 2 together. I confronted him, and he admitted that he is still trying to get over me, but he can't. If I would have known he felt like this, I would have not have let him move in. The sad thing is he's like my best friend and a brother. I really don't know if having him move out is the answer. He does not have anywhere to go, and I'm only human. I don't want to throw him out, either. Please give me and my roommate some advice. Thanks.

Dear Dilemma,
You need to talk to your roommate and be honest with him. Tell him you appreciate him as a best friend and that you will always be there for him. Make it clear that you do not want to upset him in any way, but if your going out on dates upsets him, then he needs to let go; otherwise, you will need to let him go-that is, he will need to move out of your apartment. Your honesty will hurt him now, but you will be helping him more in the long run. Emphasize to him that just because he's moving out doesn't mean you guys won't be best friends, anymore. Tell him it will, indeed, strengthen your friendship, and that he can always visit you, too. The sooner he adjusts to living without you-mentally, the sooner both of you can get on with your own lives. If he's like a brother to you, why can't he be a brother to you in another location? Show your support and help him find a new place.

Dear Papi,
I am a white guy who is passionately drawn to Latinos. I don't speak Spanish. My first ex, Sal, thought it was wrong reasoning if I wanted to be with Latin men. He said I should respect their culture enough to learn the language. On the other hand, my recent ex, Carlos, thought I shouldn't worry about (learning Spanish) since some of his Latino friends didn't speak Spanish, either. I want to be the best lover to a future special someone. If that means learning Spanish, I will. Sometimes, I want to be loved as is-as a gringo and all. What are your thoughts? Respectfully, Gringo.

Dear "Gringo,"
I think the first language you and your Latino man need to speak is that of love, which has no boundaries. This love should allow you to be yourself and should allow you to be loved for who you are-whether you decide to speak Spanish or not! Of course, if you feel you should learn Spanish, and if that will make your partner happier, then go for it! You will enter into a new realm of words and descriptions which could enhance your understanding of each other. Just remember in terms of whether or not you should learn Spanish, each Latino man is different and will give a different answer so do what your heart tells you to do and make the decision for yourself.


Dear Papi,
I am a young Latino who was infected with HIV at a young age. I am no longer a victim, but I'm a survivor. However, I am saddened, by the fact, that I lose guys when I tell them the truth. I wish guys who are HIV negative wouldn't be so afraid, and that they would take the time to understand me and love me for me.

Dear Survivor,
Kudos to you for showing great courage and for being honest with others. Though it seems hard right now, especially to find a man who will accept you as you are, things will get easier. Consider joining a youth HIV+ Latino support group in your area so that you will surround yourself with people who understand you and who won't turn you away-and who will be there for you when others won't or when others are afraid to be. There is a listing of resources for both QV and HIV+ men on the last page of qvMagazine, or call your local QV and Lesbian Center and ask them, "What kinds of HIV+ Support Groups do you have?" Continue to be a survivor, and as with anything in life, in time, your honesty will lead you to someone who loves you for you.


If you have a question for Dear Papi, e-mail him at qvmagazine@aol.com

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