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Mi Mamá's Pride
The party wasn't long ago. The experience of having my friends with their boyfriends and/or dates, my cousin and his long time companion, my younger brother and his wife, and even the presence of the man I loved for a long time, but who now lived with someone else, did not compare to what I experienced by having my mother at my party, especially when every guest was a Latino man and the only females were my cuñada and mi mamá (drag queens do not count!). Todo el dia I had been running all over the place while mi mamá was in the kitchen cooking and singing her favorite rancheras. After I took a long hot shower, the stress went down y los nervios kicked in. It wasn't until the guests started to arrive that I realized mi mamá had never been around a group of QV people except for me, my ex, my cousin and his man. I was expecting almost 100 people and I had no clue how mi mamá was going to react to the whole thing. By 8:30 de la noche, my house was packed. My brother, Arturo, was serving margaritas and Coronas to the guests while my sister-in-law and mi mamá made sure the Mexican platillos y bocadillos were ready and in everyone's reach. I, like a madman, was running around putting coats away, welcoming my friends, and introducing my familia to those who had never met them before. It did not take long for everyone to get in the mood to dance to Olga Tañon's merengues, Ricky Martin's Maria, and the latest Latino mixes. Most of the time, I had one drink in each hand or was taking pictures left and right. Through the corner of my eye, I kept a close watch on mamá, who happily and patiently talked to anyone around. When the drag show started, my heart pounded faster than ever, my hands sweated like never before, and my nerves rose to their highest level. Down the hall, "India" appeared. Sensualmente, she moved to the music while everyone whistled and cheered. India was followed by Olga Tañon, and then Amanda Miguel. All this time, despite the fact the performers were "entertaining" me, my eyes were fixed on mi mamá. I wondered how she felt seeing men dressed like women; I wondered how she felt seeing two men holding hands and kissing; I wondered how she felt seeing her own son, me, enjoying a world she had never seen before. My eyes wandered around the room while everyone was having a good time. I saw my ex in the distance talking to his lover-the man my ex left me for. I wondered how mi mamá felt about that, for she had come to care very much for my ex. I knew everything was a new experience to her. She and I had talked about my life, my sexuality, and my dreams to find an ideal man to share my life with. She had heard about drag queens and seen them on Cristina's TV show. She knew about go-go dancers and QV night clubs. She even knew about QV marriages and the sort. But she had never experienced what she was experiencing at that moment. I wondered if she felt disgusted by it. I wondered if she felt ashamed or guilty. I wondered if she felt uncomfortable, or if she even felt remorse for what she was watching. Since I had no idea how she was feeling, and since I was feeling very uneasy about the whole spectacle, I decided to go to her and stand by her side. "¿Te diviertes, mamá?" I softly asked while Fay sang and danced her magical "sirenas" song. "Sí," she answered, "and I envy her for I never looked as good as she does." Her answer took me by surprise. Here I was, worrying sick about all the negative feelings she might have been experiencing, but instead, she was enjoying the show even more than I was. I looked at her and saw a glimmer in her eyes, and I knew she was happy for me. I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. It was then that I heard a chorus of QV men chanting my name. I had no idea what all the commotion was about until I saw Fay holding a dress. It had been requested that I, being the birthday boy, dress in drag and perform at least one number. I had to confess that deep inside of me, I wanted to do it, but with mi mamá around, I couldn't. I refused, but everyone insisted. I said no once again, but all of a sudden, my mother shocked me by taking the dress from Fay's hands and leading me to my room to change. Speechless and shocked, I stood in the room while mi mamá dressed me up and placed a wig on my head. I looked pretty silly for I had a goatee, but hey, I was the birthday boy and apparently, that didn't matter. Soon, I was performing to Gloria QVnor's "I Will Survive." By the end of the number, everyone whistled and cheered. I was happy, but mostly, I was thrilled by my mamá's behavior. "Your mamá is an incredible woman!" my ex-boyfriend said to me while I enjoyed a margarita in the backyard. "Sí, lo es," I said to him as I looked up to the stars. "I wish my mamá was like yours, Carlitos," he said. "Hey, brother!" Arturo's voice interrupted us. "¿Qué honda?" I shouted backing away from my ex. "Time for cake, bro," he said. "Let's go then," I immediately said, looking directly at my ex. Inside the house, the birthday candles were already burning. Everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me as I looked across the faces of my brother, my cuñada, and my friends. When I looked at my mother, I smiled for I realized that she was proud of her Latino QV son. As they sang, I felt a new happiness, a feeling I had never experienced before. But behind all the happy faces there was my ex-boyfriend. Although he was singing, he seemed to be restraining himself from crying. I felt a knot in my throat for I knew his mother had thrown him out of his house the night he came out to her. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and blew out the candles. I wished only one thing: that one day, my ex-boyfriend's mother would come to understand and accept her son as my mother accepted me. Even though I did not love my ex as I used to, he deserved the happiness and love that I was feeling. I opened my eyes and tears ran down my face, for I had come to realize that I was mi mamá's pride.
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I remember my last birthday party. By 6p.m.,
the air in my house was mixed with the smell of my mamá's
favorite Mexican food. The smell of tamales and tacos dorados,
the smell of pozole, refried beans, and arroz, the smell of salsa
roja y verde. The whole place smelled so good, it reminded me
of the fiestas my familia and I used to go to when we lived in
Michoacán.