Pregúntale A Papi

Pregúntale A Papi

Dear mijos y nenes: your dear old Papi is back again to give you some advice about your love life, or whatever. If you have a problem or a question, write to me. I can help you out! But just remember that my advice can only go so far. After all, when it all comes down to it, you're the one calling the shots!


Dear Papi,

My boyfriend recently confessed to me that he cheated with a guy he met online three months ago. My motto has always been, "cheat me; lose me," but my feelings for him are more than I have ever felt for anyone-girls and guys, and I want to stay with him. We have already made plans to move to San Diego and attend school there. What should I do about this? HELP ME!

Dear Help Me,

I see in your heart that you want to make things work. Your boyfriend was certainly honest to you, and maybe this was an attempt to make the relationship stronger. Of course, there's no excuse for anyone to cheat, and you still have to ask whether you can trust him from now on. Papi would give him another chance so that you two can be together, but you have to be strong-if he cheats again, then you have to re-evaluate your relationship.


Dear Papi,

I was recently talking to my boyfriend, and I told him that I had been talking to other guys just as friends. Because of that, he told me that we should keep things "CASUAL" from now on. I've really never believed in the concept of a casual relationship, and I wonder if we should even be together anymore. Would it be best for us to break it off now before things get bad between us?

Well my little chulo,

If your friendship with those other guys are truly non-sexual ones then you need to think about your relationship-your boyfriend isn't showing much trust in you. And by him saying he wants a causal relationship, it seems he's interested in meeting other people. Of course, Papi doesn't want you to break up, but you really need to sit down and tell him how you feel about the casual thing.


Dear Papi,

My boyfriend doesn't like to do anything! If I want to go to the movies, he'll tell me he's too tired. If I want to go out to dinner, we'll end up staying home and ordering pizza. How can I make him more exciting?

Dear Bored at Home,

You need to find out what your novio really likes to do. If he is truly lazy, find a way to get him to go out. You could tell him, "Bro, I am going out with my friends. You're welcome to come along, but if you prefer to stay home, that's cool." I'm sure that would make him stop and think. You may expect a little arguing, but stand your ground. He'll see that you need a social life in addition to a pizza box and remote control.


Dear Papi,

My mother doesn't know I'm QV. I'm a straight-A student and she is very proud of me. How can I tell her about me without hurting her?

Dear Straight-A,

Of course, when you come out to anyone, you should always feel that you are ready to do it. Before you talk to your mom, carefully think of answers to any questions she may have for you. Tell her that you love her and don't want to hurt her, but there is something you need to talk to her about. Stay calm and firmly, yet gently, tell her that you are QV. Some moms take the news surprisingly well-which is the best-case scenario. However, if the discussion turns heated, keep your cool because shouting at one another will make it difficult to have a productive conversation. Give her a little time to digest. Keep in mind that it took you a while to come to terms with your sexuality, and in much the same way, it may take her some time, too. Before your conversation with her, you may want to speak to a counselor at any QV and lesbian service center for additional advice. They may have some helpful reading brochures for parents of QVs and lesbians that you can give to your mom. Good luck-let us know how it goes.

If you have any concerns, things on your mind, questions about relationships, comments about a break-up, or anything you need advice about, send an e-mail to him at dearpapi@qvmagazine.com. Address all letter to Dear Papi.

More advice from Papi appears in the print version of qvMagazine

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