Dear Papi
THE PAPI IS IN!

Relationships! Relationships! Don’t you wish relationships weren’t so complicated? I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to find the right guy, the first time—and have everything turn out right? Well, life isn’t quite that simple. In reality, it’s all about learning and growing, and believe me, with relationships, you certainly learn and grow. So whatever is happening to you in your life right now, let me know.

Dear Papi,
I tend to see that in straight relationships, guys don’t mind being with a heavy set girl, and women don’t mind being with a heavy set guy. But in the gay community, you have to have a nice slim, fit, masculine body, or even, a body builder’s type body in order for someone to like you. I would like to find a person who will like me for who I am, and not for my weight, size, or what I look like. Oh yes, I happen to be feminine and most straight-acting guys do not like that. What is the deal with that?

Dear Deal,
The best thing I can advise to you, and this may sound simple, is to just keep a positive attitude. It’s okay to be feminine, tall, small, big, skinny, or whatever—and in life, if people don’t like you for who you are, then you have a choice...you have a choice not to be around those people. Of course, there might be a certain look or straight-acting mannerisms that some gay people are after, but those people are not everyone. So don’t change a thing. Keep being who you are! Be proud of yourself, and even radiate confidence. Eventually, you will find someone who will be attracted to you for who you are on the inside—and not because of your size, weight, or any other mannerisms, etc. And that’s what counts.

Dear Papi
I’m a 21-year-old Hispanic guy, and my question is, “Does it look bad for a guy to go into a gay club all by himself?” I ask this question because I’m not out, yet. And I want to go to a gay club, but I don’t have any gay friends to go with—much less, talk to. Because I’m not out, it’s been hard for me. I’m not scared of my family, friends, and co-worker’s reaction towards me being gay. It’s just that I don’t have any gay friends, but when it comes to going to a club, I don’t think I could even go by myself. What should I do? —Joe (That’s me!).

Dear Joe,
It seems to me that going to a club alone is not the underlying issue here. It’s first about you and dealing with who you are—as a young gay man. What you first need to do is find some gay friends to talk to. You can find friends by going online in a chatroom and talking to them, or putting an ad in an online personal site, or joining a local support group (look at the resources in the back of the magazine). Once you find friends to talk to, you both can now do things together, which includes going to a gay club. Just remember, while it is not particularly wrong to go to a gay club by yourself, it might just be that, for you, it could be a scary thing only because you haven’t been to one before. So find a gay friend you can talk to. Let him know you’ve never been to a gay club but want to see what it is like. A gay friend will empathize with you, because they had to go through the same feelings you are going through—that is, they had to come out, meet friends, and face the feelings of going to a gay club for the first time. Good luck, mijo!

Dear Papi,
I’m in a 6-and-a-half-year partnership with my man. But I feel that he is losing interest in our relationship. I’m still physically fit (ripped) and attractive, but I feel that we are drifting apart. Sex hasn’t helped, talking hasn’t helped, and counseling hasn’t helped. I don’t know what else to do, and I’m falling into a deep depression. What is happening to “us?” Help! —Depressed

Dear Depressed,
You got to be strong! Be up-front with your man, and ask him if he is falling out of love with you. This will be a difficult subject to talk to him about, but you need to know now. If he doesn’t want to be with you, you have to be strong and ask yourself, “Why would you want to remain in this kind of a situation, anyway.” On a better note, if he joined you in counseling, at least, that shows that he does have an interest in working things out. I advise that you continue to see a counselor—maybe even see another counselor if things don’t seem to progress with the first one. Just remember, you’ve been with this guy for six and a half years, so there’s got to be something genuine and good between you two. But if there’s something going on that is affecting your relationship, you need to talk to him now. You need to find out what it is...to see whether you want to continue with him, or not. You need to remind your man to be honest with his answers...and to find out why the two of you are drifting apart. Communicate! Good luck, mijo! I wish you the best.