PAPI IS IN!
Relationships! Dont you wish relationships
werent so complicated? I mean, wouldnt it be nice to find
the right guy, the first timeand have everything turn out right?
Well, life isnt quite that simple. In reality, its all about
learning and growing, and believe me, with relationships, you certainly
learn and grow. So whatever is happening to you in your life right now,
let me know. E-mail me at DearPapi@qvMagazine.com
I am 23 years old and have just gotten out of a five-year relationship,
but now my ex-boyfriend wants to get back with me. At the beginning
of our relationship, everything was picture perfect. Our families knew
each other. My boyfriend and I traveled and worked together. But then,
it when downhill from therewith arguments and fist fighting, and
Im talking about some Ike and Tina incidents. Of course, I still
love him, and if he got himself together mentally then I would reconcile
with him. But I dont think he will. I dont know why I feel
like Im obligated to help him get his sh*t together. What should
I do? Should I get back with him?
First off, Id like to commend you on your five year relationship.
It is great that you and your ex-chulo were able to find happiness,
at least for a while, within one another. However, I hear several things
going on that concern me. First, know that you are not obligated to
help him with his stuff. You have no responsibility to your ex. Instead,
you need to set boundaries for yourself as you are your primary priority.
Another thing that strikes me is the golpes you describe in your letter.
Mijo, save the Tina performances for the drag queens at the clubs! Neither
you nor anyone should be subjected to the cycle of physical and emotional
violence in a relationship
thats not healthy! So before you
get into this relationship again think about what you really want and
what type of boundaries you are going to set. Cuidate!
Im a Latino and Ive been dating this one guy for almost
a year. We always hang out with my boyfriends friends, but one
of them dislikes me because I used to go out with his manlike
two years ago. Even though I want to talk to him, we dont say
hi because of the boyfriend. I know he feels uncomfortable and so do
I. Should I approach him and say hi or should I just completely ignore
him like I have been? I know it sounds foolish, but I just want to avoid
problems and be grown up about it. The last thing I want is for him
to think I want his boyfriend back. Please help me. Troubled One.
If I learned one thing from the QV scene, it has been the ridiculous
pettiness of many people. It sounds as though there may be some insecurities
he holds about his boyfriend and the relationship he had with you, which
you cant change. However, I cant help myself and ask where
your boyfriend is and how he feels about this situation? Why hasnt
he intervened and talked to his friend about the situation? If its
making you feel uncomfortable, maybe your boyfriend can stop seeing
that friend, or better yet, maybe he can arrange to have you two talk
about the situation. If you do talk to the guy, then tell him that what
happened in the past was the pastand that now you have no interest
in his man. Hopefully, that should make things okay. In any case, talk
your boyfriend about this uncomfortable situationand let it be
known that youre open to being friends.
Recently, my boyfriend and I had an argument because I went out with
my friends while he was on vacation. My boyfriend expects me to stay
home, but I dont think its fair. While hes on vacation,
he goes out. He goes to QV clubs. Another thing is that he hates it
when my friends call to talk to me, yet he is able to talk to his friends.
How should I approach him and tell him that I feel trapped? Trapped
This relationship sounds like its slanted in your boyfriends
favor. What you need to do is make the rules fair for both of you. In
other words, if he can go out, so can you. If he can talk to friends,
so can you. Now if you both of you decide not to talk to friends, or
not to go out, that is fine, too! Just remember to make the rules the
same for both of you. Its not like youre asking for anything
more, just an even playing field. So stand your ground, and let him
know that if he can eat his cake and ice cream, toothen so can
I know youve had numerous situations where people have asked you,
What is the right way to tell a loved one that you are QV?
I have told all of my friends and they all know about my sexuality.
But Im afraid to tell my mother. Yes, she has QV friends, and
yes, she accepts their ways, but she sometimes asks me, What do
QV men see in other men? When she says this, I want to tell her
that I am QV, but I hold back. Papi, is there a right or wrong way
to come out to ones parents? Please let this confused mijo know!
There is no right way to come out; however, by your mom asking, What
do QV men see in other men, it sounds as though she is opening
up the lines for communication about this topic. Perhaps, you can answer
it by saying something like, Hey, its loveand you
cant control who you fall in love with. Then you can help
make it easier to come out by saying something like. I heard that
being QV is not a choice. This could lead her to understand and
sympathize, instead of otherwise. Then if you will, you can come out
to her. But before you do any of this, get some support from local community
agencies. Call them up and tell them you want to come out to your mom
and need help in doing so. The people at the agencies can help you analyze
the situation and let you know if the benefits of coming out outweigh
the disadvantages. Furthermore, the people at the agencies can help
you see things that you might not see right now, and give you guidance
so that when youre ready to come out to your mom, you will be
prepared for all scenarioswhether her reaction turns out to be
good or bad. Good luck, mijoand check out the support resources
here in the magazine.