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qvAstrology
The fierce
La Chicharona reveals what the stars
have in store for you!
Yo
qvBoyz!
Summer
is just around the corner, and you know what that means—fine shirtless
papis strolling the streets! So which one of these guys will be your
summer love? Well, La Chicharona is here to answer all your questions
about the coming months, and believe me, it’s looking hotter than
ever!
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ARIES
(March 21-April 19)
American Idol, Star Search, All American Girl. These shows are
all based on talent. And guess what? You’re the most talented
guy I know! So, chulo, it’s time for you to show off that
talent and prove to the world that you’ve got a voice of
gold. I know it’s in you! So get a voice coach and get ready
to knock the world dead. As far as I’m concerned, you’re
already my idol! |
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TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
I forsee a real cutie entering your life! And not only will this
guy be phyne as hell, he’ll also be a genuinely intelligent,
spiritual, and good-hearted person. Who is it? Well, I can’t
say. Just keep your eyes and options open because whether you
like it or not, you’re going to feel some love in the air.
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GEMINI
(May 21-June 21)
Is the state of the world disturbing you? The war in Iraq, bombs
in Korea, and terrorists anywhere seem to really be stressing
you out. Well, Papi, you need to get yourself away from CNN and
all those other depressing news channels for a while. Also, take
a day or two off from work and treat yourself to a nice relaxing
day at the beach, the mountains, or a health spa. Do anything
to escape reality for a while. When you come back, you’ll
feel much better and a lot less stressed about life. |
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CANCER
(June 22-July 22)
Hey papi! Now’s the time to start thinking about getting
in shape for the summer months ahead. That means no McDonald’s,
no Taco Bell, and no Popeye’s Chicken! Then what should you
eat? Hey, go for the fish. Well, not that one, chico...you know
what I mean! Try going on a seafood diet of tuna or salmon. And
if you need the carbs for energy, try eating a little rice or
pasta. Yup! Yup! Gotta tell you, mijo, there’s a science
to losing weight—so play the game right and become the healthy
papi you deserve to be. |
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LEO
(July 23-Aug. 23)
What’s up with the economy? People are losing jobs, and gas
prices are rising to an all-time high! Well then, be wise with
your money. Pay off all your debts. Try carpooling to work to
save gas money—or telecommute if you can. And stop spendin’
so much on cigarettes and alcohol! I know you have the urge to
spend, but stop it—don’t spend when you don’t have
to. |
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VIRGO
(Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Hey chulo, why have you been so bossy and possessive with your
friends lately? Just because you’re popular doesn’t
mean that you own your friends. You demand their constant attention
and get pissed off when they don’t do what you want. Try
to be a little more accommodating to others. You have a good group
of friends and there’s no need for you to try to overpower
them all the time. If you give in sometimes, they’ll give
in sometimes. Strike a balance with them and you’ll find
there’s much less drama in your life. |
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LIBRA
(Sept. 24-oct. 22)
You’re a bad boy who’s always getting into tons of trouble.
Well, it’s time for a personality make-over! It’s time
to grow up and turn your bad-ass into a nice, respectable Latino
man. Tone down your strong attitude and be nicer to people. You
may want to also start re-thinking your slang—particularly
in your work environment Instead of saying, “Man, this is
wack!” say, “I find this unacceptable.” Got it?
I want you to change yourself into someone who people will take
seriously. |
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SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You never seem to be satisfied. You get a raise, but complain
it’s not enough. You buy a beautiful new SUV, but you complain
about the poor mileage. You even complain about the food at just
about any restaurant you eat at! Stop complaining and learn to
appreciate what you’ve got. It’ll make life a lot easier
for you and everyone else around you. |
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SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You’re normally the hard-working type, but something has
been lacking lately. At work, you’ve been showing up late
and the quality of your work hasn’t been as good as in the
past. And at home, you’ve become a couch potato watching
TV and playing video games all the time. In other words, you haven’t
done anything useful with your time! All I can say is be useful,
useless! Explore new options and get yourself back on track. |
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CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’re making $10 an hour and you think that’s a lot!
Well, baby, the truth is you are really being underpaid. So walk
into your boss’ office and tell him you deserve a raise!
If he refuses, then look for another job. There are a lot of better
opportunities out there for you, but if you don’t go out
and look for them, they will never come your way! |
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AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your clothes are all wrinkled, you haven’t shaved in days,
and your hair is a mess! This isn’t like you. What’s
going on? You say you’re too tired? Hey, chulo, then you
need to take a break and get yourself back together. After a few
days of rest, you’ll be re-energized, neatly ironed, clean-shaven
and with perfect hair. That’s the Papi everyone has come
to know and love. |
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PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20)
Your kindness has paid off as I see good luck coming your way!
I see money—a lot of money—coming soon! And I see you
falling in love and settling down with a nice man! You’ll
be living the American Dream with you and your man—and a
little puppy! Hold onto this, and enjoy it because you deserve
it all! |
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