La Chicharona reveals what the stars
have in store for you!
is just around the corner, and you know what that meansfine shirtless
papis strolling the streets! So which one of these guys will be your
summer love? Well, La Chicharona is here to answer all your questions
about the coming months, and believe me, its looking hotter than
(March 21-April 19)
American Idol, Star Search, All American Girl. These shows are
all based on talent. And guess what? Youre the most talented
guy I know! So, chulo, its time for you to show off that
talent and prove to the world that youve got a voice of
gold. I know its in you! So get a voice coach and get ready
to knock the world dead. As far as Im concerned, youre
already my idol!
(April 20-May 20)
I forsee a real cutie entering your life! And not only will this
guy be phyne as hell, hell also be a genuinely intelligent,
spiritual, and good-hearted person. Who is it? Well, I cant
say. Just keep your eyes and options open because whether you
like it or not, youre going to feel some love in the air.
(May 21-June 21)
Is the state of the world disturbing you? The war in Iraq, bombs
in Korea, and terrorists anywhere seem to really be stressing
you out. Well, Papi, you need to get yourself away from CNN and
all those other depressing news channels for a while. Also, take
a day or two off from work and treat yourself to a nice relaxing
day at the beach, the mountains, or a health spa. Do anything
to escape reality for a while. When you come back, youll
feel much better and a lot less stressed about life.
(June 22-July 22)
Hey papi! Nows the time to start thinking about getting
in shape for the summer months ahead. That means no McDonalds,
no Taco Bell, and no Popeyes Chicken! Then what should you
eat? Hey, go for the fish. Well, not that one, chico...you know
what I mean! Try going on a seafood diet of tuna or salmon. And
if you need the carbs for energy, try eating a little rice or
pasta. Yup! Yup! Gotta tell you, mijo, theres a science
to losing weightso play the game right and become the healthy
papi you deserve to be.
(July 23-Aug. 23)
Whats up with the economy? People are losing jobs, and gas
prices are rising to an all-time high! Well then, be wise with
your money. Pay off all your debts. Try carpooling to work to
save gas moneyor telecommute if you can. And stop spendin
so much on cigarettes and alcohol! I know you have the urge to
spend, but stop itdont spend when you dont have
(Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Hey chulo, why have you been so bossy and possessive with your
friends lately? Just because youre popular doesnt
mean that you own your friends. You demand their constant attention
and get pissed off when they dont do what you want. Try
to be a little more accommodating to others. You have a good group
of friends and theres no need for you to try to overpower
them all the time. If you give in sometimes, theyll give
in sometimes. Strike a balance with them and youll find
theres much less drama in your life.
(Sept. 24-oct. 22)
Youre a bad boy whos always getting into tons of trouble.
Well, its time for a personality make-over! Its time
to grow up and turn your bad-ass into a nice, respectable Latino
man. Tone down your strong attitude and be nicer to people. You
may want to also start re-thinking your slangparticularly
in your work environment Instead of saying, Man, this is
wack! say, I find this unacceptable. Got it?
I want you to change yourself into someone who people will take
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You never seem to be satisfied. You get a raise, but complain
its not enough. You buy a beautiful new SUV, but you complain
about the poor mileage. You even complain about the food at just
about any restaurant you eat at! Stop complaining and learn to
appreciate what youve got. Itll make life a lot easier
for you and everyone else around you.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Youre normally the hard-working type, but something has
been lacking lately. At work, youve been showing up late
and the quality of your work hasnt been as good as in the
past. And at home, youve become a couch potato watching
TV and playing video games all the time. In other words, you havent
done anything useful with your time! All I can say is be useful,
useless! Explore new options and get yourself back on track.
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Youre making $10 an hour and you think thats a lot!
Well, baby, the truth is you are really being underpaid. So walk
into your boss office and tell him you deserve a raise!
If he refuses, then look for another job. There are a lot of better
opportunities out there for you, but if you dont go out
and look for them, they will never come your way!
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your clothes are all wrinkled, you havent shaved in days,
and your hair is a mess! This isnt like you. Whats
going on? You say youre too tired? Hey, chulo, then you
need to take a break and get yourself back together. After a few
days of rest, youll be re-energized, neatly ironed, clean-shaven
and with perfect hair. Thats the Papi everyone has come
to know and love.
(Feb. 19-March 20)
Your kindness has paid off as I see good luck coming your way!
I see moneya lot of moneycoming soon! And I see you
falling in love and settling down with a nice man! Youll
be living the American Dream with you and your manand a
little puppy! Hold onto this, and enjoy it because you deserve