The Latino Men's Journal—with over 1,000,000 visitors!


DEAR PAPI
THE PAPI IS IN!

Haven’t you ever wished relationships weren’t so complicated? I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to find the right guy, the first time, then fall in love and have everything turn out right? Well, life isn’t quite that simple. It’s all about learning and growing, and believe me, with relationships, you certainly learn and grow! So whatever is happening to you in your life right now, let me know. E-mail me at DearPapi@qvMagazine.com

 

Dear Papi,
I am a 23-year-old Latino who is very confused. I have been out of a relationship for almost six months now. I thought I was over my ex, but just recently, my feelings for him came back. I find myself thinking about him all the time. It gets so bad that I end up not going to work, not leaving my house, and not even leaving my room. I know that it’s bad to be doing what I am doing, but I cannot seem to stop thinking of him. Help me! I am living in a rut, and I feel like I am trapped. How do I get over him?

Dear Trapped,
You need to move on! It doesn’t do you any good to miss work, stay home, or even stay in your room alone. Those things are just putting you further into debt—emotionally. I want you to be strong and say things or even do things that will help you. In other words, say to yourself is, “Yes, I miss my ex, but I’m a strong person, and I will move on.” Or surround yourself with friends or family, who will be there for you. Or you can fill your schedule up with proactive activities. This means, going out with your friends, going to the movies, or even going to the gym to get some exercise. Just remember that it takes time to get over a relationship, and during this time, I want you to surround yourself with things that will support you emotionally. Once again, be strong, be active, and you will see that you’ll get through all of this. Good luck, mijo!

 

Dear Papi,
I have been together with my man for over five years, and we just got married. He is my first, and I am his. But, here is the dilemma. The day after the wedding, I went to a QV pride festival with my homies, and I found myself looking and flirting with other vatos. Is it just because I am tied down now or is it just because I still have that player side in me? I played on him three times before we got married, and I don’t want to mess up now. I do care about him, and I do love him. Can you please help me! —Latin Thug

Dear Latin Thug,
As hard as it may be to say this, when you entered into this marriage, you were well aware that you made a commitment to be there for your husband, and that, of course, monogamy was part of the deal. From what I can see here, it’s not worth giving up a man who you’ve been with for over 5 years, and who has promised you his life through marriage, just for a little bit of fun with someone else. My advice to you is work on your commitment and be faithful to your man.

 

Dear Papi,
I’m a 22-year-old Latino who is about to move out of my parents’ home and venture into the “real” world for the first time. To this day, I have not come out of the closet to my parents when the time is right, I will be completely truthful to them. Right now, I’m going to be moving with a real good QV friend, who sometimes acts kind of “queeny.” Because of this, I’m kind of hesitant to have my parents come over. I have asked my friend in the past that I would really owe him big if he would just act masculine whenever my parents were around. He has agreed. But I realize it’s not fair to ask him to do that in a place that is just as much his as it is mine. I wouldn’t want anyone telling me how to act in my own place. What should I do? Do you think it’s time for me to tell my parents? Yours truly, scared Latino.

Dear Scared Latino,
You’re right! It isn’t fair to ask your roommate to act masculine whenever your parents are around. It’s like telling him to go back into the closet, and that’s not a good thing to ask anyone to do. Just remember it’s your decision to move in with him, so accept who you’re choosing—and try not to hide or change him. But the bigger issue here is that you are still living a dual life, pretending to be straight to your parents, and it seems as if you want to be truthful to them by coming out to them. If so, consider talking to your friends, or even a counselor to get support and ideas from them. You might be in a better position to come out now than you have ever been before since you’ll be living on your own, and you won’t have to worry about issues such as being kicked out of the house, etc. If anything, once you do come out, at least, you will allow yourself to start living an honest life, and that’s the path I want you to take. Good luck, mijo!

 

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