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Haven’t you ever wished relationships weren’t so complicated? I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to find the right guy, the first time, then fall in love and have everything turn out right? Well, life isn’t quite that simple. But it’s all about learning and growing, and believe me, with relationships, you certainly learn and grow! So whatever is happening to you in your life, let me know. E-mail me at


Dear Papi,
I recently moved to Los Angeles by myself, and I’m finding it very difficult to make friends in the Latino community. I’m Latino, but I don’t speak Spanish, nor do I even know about Latin music—or the culture. I actually feel very lonely and distant from them. Growing up, I never had much interaction with Latinos so I feel lonely. Plus, I just came out of the closet so I don’t know much about the QV lifestyle, either. What should I do?

Dear Mijo,
If you don’t know much about the culture, and if you want to learn about it, then put yourself in the “Latin” environment. For example, to learn about Spanish music, you can certainly go to a Latin club or even listen to a Spanish radio station. As far as meeting other Latinos, you can go to the clubs, or better yet, you can join a Latino support group! You can find a list of these various groups on page 38. These groups often give you a place where you can talk to people who will listen to you and support you. Don’t be afraid to tell them that you don’t know much about the QV lifestyle, or even the Latin culture. Just say, “I’m new at this!” and ask them for advice! Whatever you do, mijo, the important thing is to put yourself out there and start meeting other Latinos. Good luck!


Dear Papi,
I’m tired of going to clubs, parties, chatrooms and get togethers hoping to meet a decent guy. I don’t know if I’m looking in the wrong places or if my expectations are too high. My friends are always telling me stories about all these guys that they’ve met, and I think, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I’m very attractive (even my friends tell me that I’m the best looking of the clan). I’m working on my degree while I work a full-time job. But I don’t know where to meet decent guys who are relationship material. I get really sad at times because even though having a guy is not a priority in my life, it can definitely compliment it. —Tired of Looking

Dear Tired of Looking,
Finding the right partner is a constant trial and error, but don’t give up! First, ask yourself what is your criteria for a decent guy? Is it someone with a job? Someone with lots of money? Someone who is religious? Someone who has good looks? Someone with a good-heart? Whatever it is, write down your options and choose the most important ones to you. Then, find a man who has most of those qualities. Just remember to be flexible and allow him to have a few flaws because as the old saying goes, “Nobody’s perfect.” Just try to keep an open mind and get to know the person inside. Once you do that, what few flaws he does have will not seem so big and you’ll be able to live in peace with your new man. If you can’ t open your mind and heart, I’m afraid you’ll spend the rest of your life looking for something that doesn’t exist—perfection—and end up being alone forever! So keep looking and good luck, mijo!


Dear Papi,
I am 24 years old and the longest relationship I have ever had lasted for only four months. Since then, all my relationships have lasted for only about a month or so. It always seems that when thirty days roll around, I lose interest or get bored with the guy I’m with. I don’t do anything to sabotage my relationships, and I don’t cheat, but after about a month, I start to drift away from the guy. The guys don’t do anything to push me away. In fact, they have all been really nice guys, but my interest in the relationship seems to fade away. Am I just to difficult to satisfy? Or am I just better off alone? — J

Dear J,
What you’re telling me is that you’re not ready for a long term relationship, and that’s alright. When you are ready to settle down, you will know it and will find yourself wanting to be with that person, even after the initial excitement of meeting a that new guy is gone. There will be something inside you that lets you know that the person you’re special. In the meantime, keep dating guys, and enjoy the good times, the boring times, and everything in between. Don’t get rid of them just because the relationship is no longer exciting or because you are bored. Instead nurture the relationship and enjoy your company with him. When you least expect it, you will find yourself wanting to be around him no matter what. Ultimately, you will find yourself in a nice relationship that will not last 30 days, but perhaps thirty years—or forever!


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