PAPA! Im almost there
just a few more weeks, and Ill
be ready for the beach. Ive got my sexy bikini, golden tan, flat
stomach, and if you know me by now, I always have my bitchy attitude.
You got it, Ill be ready for all those cute brown boyz walking
in their shorts and no T-shirts. I love this time of the year, and I
get excited thinking about it! And what about you? Will you be with
that guy you like? Will you win the lottery? Let me take a look into
(March 21-April 19)
Its a good thing you didnt invest in Enron stocks!
Youd be flat broke! What? Youre broke, anyway! Then
rearrange your finances and work smarter. If you have no education,
go to school. If you dont know anything about stocks, learn!
No one will push you harder than yourself. So if your flame is
low, put it in high gear and push yourself to new limits!
(April 20-May 20)
Papi, Ive noticed youve been down lately, since you
broke up with your man. I know its not an easy thing to
do, so I want you to get your mind off of him. They say laugher
will help you get back on your feet, so I recommend a funny moviemaybe
Austin Powers 3. Plus youll get to see Beyonces
big screen debut and hear Austin say, Do I make you horny?
(May 21-June 21)
Have you seen Linkin Park? Dayum, these guys got it going on!
Not only that, they made it big with just their first album. So
when are you going to release your album? Cmon, chulo, youve
been saying, Im still working on it! for years
now. So get with it, because in ten years, you wont want
to look back and feel like you wasted your chance! Organize yourself
and go for your dreamsand dont let anyone push you
(June 22-July 22)
I see money coming in for you! If my predictions are correct,
youll soon be driving a new red Ferrari, living in a thirty
bedroom mansion with your man, and relaxing on your very own yacht.
So either start putting in a lot of overtime at work, or start
buying your lottery ticketscuz somethings going to
(July 23-Aug. 23)
Why do you run to your medicine cabinet every time your head hurts
or you want to feel better? You need to stop poppin pills
and find other ways to make you feel good. You know, think of
me in a silky thong! Ha, if that doesnt work, then get yourself
a nice massage or jump in a relaxing hot tub, but ease off those
(Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Youre so professional. At work, you dont even have
pictures of your man. All you have are your certificates and awards,
and you come across as too stiff! Break out of it and be more
human. People want to be your friend, but only if you loosen up.
So share a little bit more about yourself, and youll see
people will, finally, come to like you more.
(Sept. 24-oct. 22)
Why are you going against the grain? You have T-shirts that say,
anti-social and bumper stickers that read, Ignorance
is typical. Get your head out of the cave and make something
out of your life. Be a career-minded Latino and in the end, put
on those T-shirts that read, I made something out of nothing
or even, Im really now on Top! And not that
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Youre thinking about getting a tattoo but youre worried
about work? Well, if they cant see it, then why not? Tattoos
look really cool on guys and when you can see them slightly above
the tank top, dayum! Take a risk, and do it, chulo. It might make
you a new, more daring person.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Wow, youre technologically advanced. Youve got an
HDTV, an iPod, and a fancy new computer. Thats impressive,
but youre draining yourself financially. You may look good
on the outside, but youre wallet is hurting! Have you seen
how much you owe on your credit cards? So spend more conservatively!
In other words, dont buy a Lamborguini when a Lexus will
do finesomething thats still great and within your
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
High protein, low fat, work out! Yup, you hear all this stuff
about how to lose weight, but not many people are up for the challenge
to do it! But take the challenge, papi! Sign up at the gym, and
make an effort to go therenot once a week, but three times
a week. Set your mind to it, and do it!
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Are you creating good karma for yourself? Mijo, in life, if you
do things that help people, you will go far. If you do things
that hurt people, you will eventually get hurt in return. So remember
that before you do anythinglike, say, illegally downloading
music from the internetthat you make sure its all
in good taste.
(Feb. 19-March 20)
Whats all this talk about cloning people? Its bad
enough that people are already cloning your unique and stylish
looks, but to think someday they can clone all of you! Thats
crazy. Not to worry, though, we know youre fashion sense
is always one step ahead of the clones, and that youll always
be the trendsetterclones or not!