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Dear Papi

THE PAPI IS IN! Relationships are an intricate part of life, but why are they so complicated? Sometimes, you’ll meet a really fine guy, who’ll, unfortunately, turn out to be such a jerk. And other times, you’ll meet an ugly guy, who’ll, surprisingly, turn out to be pretty cool. So whatever is happening to you, let me know. E-mail me at DearPapi@qvMagazine.com


Dear Papi,
I’ve been dating this great guy for three months now. He blows away every other guy I have ever been with. My situation is that he’s never had sex before! At times, I can tell he feels awkward whenever I try to get intimate with him—so lately, I haven’t pressured him in any way. On one side, I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested in him, yet on the other side, I don’t want to push him into anything and scare him away. Can you give me some advice? —Too Close For Comfort

Dear Too Close For Comfort,
First of all, what you need to do is talk to your man. Find out what he thinks about the idea of being intimate with you. If he feels awkward about intimacy, it might be because he doesn’t know what to do sexually. Or it could be that he might feel too self-conscious about his body—or simply because he’s not ready to be intimate. In any case, just listen to him with an open mind and allow him to pour out his heart. And one more thing, just remember to let him know that no matter what he says, you will still be there for him. Good luck!

 

Dear Papi,
Something very disturbing is happening to me at my job. My plant manager is always saying things to me that make me think he is coming on to me. For example, he once told me that I should be a stripper and if I could do some dances for him. Today, he came in the office. It was cold outside and he stood next to heater and said something like, “I love getting my buns warm. Don’t you like your buns warm?” Then he paused for a long time and waited to hear what I had to say. He’s been saying things like this to me for a long time now. I understand that he has a wife and kids so I will never go there because that’s wrong to me. What should I do? —Worker

Dear Worker,
It seems that what your manager is doing to you might be considered sexual harassment. If so, you have several choices here. You can either take him to court, try to talk to him, or find another job. If you decide to pursue a case, then document all the incidents—including the recent ones. If you decide not to take legal action, then let him know that you feel uneasy whenever he “breaks out of the working mode” and says little comments here and there—like how you should be a stripper or if you like to keep your buns warm. Of course, he’ll say something like, “I didn’t mean anything from that. I was just playing around.” But if you say something like this to him, you’ll, at least, be voicing your opinion and letting him know you are not interested in what he’s doing to you. Whatever you decide to do, just remember that you have every right not to put yourself in an environment like that, especially one that could be considered sexual harassment, thus, illegal. If worst comes to worst, then consider finding another job. Good luck, mijo!

 

Dear Papi,
I’m a 32-year old bisexual Puerto Rican man living in Washington, D.C. For the last five years, I’ve been intimately involved with a co-worker, who also purports to be bisexual. My dilemma is this: my relationship with this man has turned me from a very confident, high self-esteem individual into a self-loathing, closet-door-slamming psycho. Because this man claims to be bisexual and we don’t have an actual commitment, I’m constantly feeling insecure and wondering when he will do something outside of our “situation”—and cheat on me. In the past, we’ve tried breaking up several times, but ended up together and more madly involved. What should I do Papi? —Loving My Morenito

Dear Loving My Morenito,
I definitely can understand how a lack of commitment with your man can make you feel insecure. However, I’m trying to understand how your man’s bisexuality is also making you feel insecure. If anything, just remember that you’re bisexual, too. What matters here is the commitment. If you’re feeling insecure because you don’t have an actual commitment, then ask him for one. If he’s willing to commit to you, that means he’s willing to be with you and give up everyone else. If he’s not willing to commit, then reconsider the relationship. You’ve been with him for five years, and it’s about time you find out what the deal is—and where you stand in his life. Good luck!


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