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Dear Papi

THE PAPI IS IN! Can you believe it’s been four years since I started giving you advice and helping you in any way I can. It’s been great and as always, I’m here to talk to you! So whatever is on your mind, even if it’s guy troubles, talk to me. E-mail me at

Dear Papi,
My friend’s been “dating” this guy who insults and belittles him in front of me. This guy also cruises with other guys, but for some reason, my friend doesn’t want to believe it—even after I tell him. He’s in denial and is so desperate to be with someone that I don’t know what to do. Should I get involved or stay out? How do I get my friend to realize that being mistreated by someone isn’t a good relationship? —Jose

Dear Jose,
The first thing you need to do is talk to your friend and let him know that he’s a great friend and that you respect him a lot. Then let him know that you have some concerns about his relationship with his current man. Tell him you think his boyfriend, at times, doesn’t give him respect, especially when he puts him down in front of other people. Then say that as good friends, it’s really hard for you to just stand there and see his boyfriend do a lot of disrespectful things to him. Ask your friend what he thinks about what you just said and if he thanks you, especially for opening his eyes—great! If he doesn’t appreciate what you have just said, and thinks you’re being too nosey or even that you might be after his man, then say no more as you’ve done what you can do. Whatever happens, just remember no matter how involved you get or not, it is ultimately your friend’s decision to be in this relationship.


Dear Papi,
I have the biggest problem in the world. My boyfriend is related to my best friend—they’re cousins! My best friend doesn’t know anything about me dating his cousin, much less that I’m bisexual or that his cousin is QV. My boyfriend doesn’t mind if his cousin finds out or knows about us, but I don’t know what to do? I don’t want to lose my friendship with my best friend, and I don’t know how he will react if he finds out about everything! —Juan

Dear Juan,
If you feel the need to come out to your best friend, then consider these three steps. The first step is to see what your best friend thinks about QV people, in general. So ask him some open-ended questions like “What do you think about QV people?” or “If you had a friend who was QV, what would you do?” If your friend answers favorably, then move on to step two—that is, consider coming out to him. If you do decide to come out, you might have to give him some time to digest the news. Just let him know that your friendship means a lot to you, and that you want to be open with him. Then maybe after a few months, consider moving on to step three, that is, telling him that you and his cousin are boyfriends. Of course, if the last step is difficult to do, then don’t pressure yourself into doing it. If anything, take all the steps slowly, and no matter what you do, remind your friend that you value honesty in a friendship, and that both sides should feel free to be open with each other.


Dear Papi,
I’m 20 years old, and I’m the type of guy who’s very affectionate. When I’m seeing a man, I like to give him kisses in public, or at least, a hug—no matter who is around. Well, I’m seeing this one guy, and he’s very nice and all, but he doesn’t like to be affectionate in public...and that really bothers me. I want him to open up! Should I take it the wrong way and get mad at him? Or should I just wait patiently until he opens up a little...and drive myself crazy? —David

Dear David,
Communication is the key in this situation so find out why your boyfriend feels uncomfortable showing affection in public. It might be that he’s embarrassed that other people will see him or maybe that he’s simply not ready to let the whole world know he’s QV—or at least those around him in public. Just remember that QV people are at different stages of coming out, thus, for some, showing affection in public can be a very uncomfortable thing to do—at first. So listen to what your man has to say, and no matter what his fears are or concerns are, don’t take it the wrong way or get mad. Have patience, and just like the two of you are working together to build a relationship, work on this aspect as well. If anything, encourage your man to take little steps of showing affection here and there—and build from there. Good luck, mijo!

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