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qv23 - Astrolo-V

Hey Chulos!

It’s getting colder these days, and my teeth are ch-ch-ch-chattering away! So what I gotta do is find me a nice papi chulo, who’ll keep me warm at night, and hold me tight—que rico! Get the picture? So what’s going on with you? How is your man treating ya? Is he the firme papi chulo you’ve always dreamed of? Don’t know? Well, sit back and relax...and let me dig into your future and see what the stars have in store for you. Read on...


Aries ARIES (March 21-April 19)
How much money are you earning at your current job? $35,000? $40,000? $50,000? Well, if you’re not earning what you deserve, do something about it! Walk right into your boss’ office and ask for a raise! If he objects, then don’t take his sh*t—look for another job! You deserve to move up in life so don’t settle for second best!
Taurus TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
You just spotted the finest guy you’ve ever seen at a house party. He’s got some abs, and that face— Ay papi! Well, don’t act so fast because he has a boyfriend. But I hear he’s not too happy with him. So play it cool, talk to him, and see what’s up because if everything goes well, he’ll be with you soon, and as I predict, he’ll be singing, “I’m a slaaaaave for you!”
GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
So you want to be an actor? Well, baby, you do have what it takes to make it big, but let me tell you, it’s not an easy road. Why? Because you have to deal with all kinds of drama—get it? But you’ll do just fine! Plus, you got the looks, too—you’re just as fine as Jay Hernandez!
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Starting a new business? That’s great! You’ve got the motivation and the brains—so I say go for it and put 100% of your heart into it! Just remember when you’re rich and sitting in your mansion, please do not let money dictate your life. In other words, share the wealth and always be the cool guy that you started out to be!
LEO (July 23-Aug. 23)
Are you thinking about buying a puppy? Well, I think that will do you some good. Why do I say that? Because your boyfriend has been telling me that you’re stiff and that he wishes you can open up a bit...so maybe a puppy might help you express yourself with some tender emotions! That’s what I call puppy love!
VIRGO (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
What goes around, comes around. Remember how you invited your man to that restaurant last month? Well, it’s time for him to return the favor and take you out to a fancy place! But be patient and don’t ask him for it! Let him surprise you! Ohh! And act as if you didn’t know, either! And wait till you see what he has planned for dessert, afterwards! Mmm...dessert!
LIBRA (Sept. 24-oct. 22)
Look out Jessica, Christina, and Pink! Here comes a Libra all decked out for the winter. You’ll be the one melting all the snow off the streets, and you’ll be shining like a big glass ornament at the Rockefeller Center. And get this, you’ll be the life of the party, where all the cute guys will be tripping over you left and right. So enjoy it while it lasts...you go, boy!
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Questions! Questions! Questions! Baby, it’s good that you’re inquisitive, but at times, it can get too much! Sometimes, it sounds like you’re trying to find something to argue with. You know what I mean. With your boyfriend, you ask him, “Where did you go?” “Who did you go with?” “Who was there?” Come on, don’t corner your man! Keep your questions to an all-time low, and put some trust in him!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You’re soooo competitive! It’s like you’re willing to run over people just to get what you want! But you know what? Cut it out! You’re driving people crazy! How do you expect to get to the top by being such an ass? You got to remember it’s those people who will get you there so be gentle with people and start treating them with a little bit of respect!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Baby, you’re too perfect! You don’t complain! You don’t demand! You’re super nice! But is that really you? You know me...I don’t want you to curtail your attitude just to impress me! So open up and show me your true colors, even if it means burping in my face and blowing the air on me. No matter what you do, I’m already yours!
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Ahh, your life is outdated! You’re still using tape cassettes, VHS, and an old Radio Shack computer! That’s so last century! Get with the times and buy an MP3 player, a DVD, and a powerful Mac! You’ll thank me for getting you up to speed and back in touch with today’s reality! Now about your bowl haircut and funny clothes? Well, one thing at a time, papi!
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Why are you standing alone at the club? Come on, go up to that guy and talk to him! So what if he’s the finest guy at the club, he’s still human. He still breathes the same way you do, and still gets nervous when meeting guys—just like you do! You have a lot in common so get your confidence up, walk up to that guy, and say some words of wisdom to him!


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