qv20 Dear Papi


The qvPapi Is In!
As your Dear Papi, I'd like to say that it's great to be here with you! I know that life can be challenging at times, but no matter what you're going through, or what's on your mind, talk to me-even if it includes boy troubles. E-mail me at DearPapi@qvMagazine.com.


Dear Papi,
Well, this might sound crazy because I'm only 13 years old. My problem is that I am in love with a guy who is straight. He has his head shaved, a fit body, and is tall. He is really fine! I really want him to be mine, not because he looks good, but because I love him for who he is. I am sure that this is not a crush or an obsession, but love. What should I do?

Dear Mijito,
You are at a special age when you are now discovering your sexuality. And if you are in love with a straight guy, then I want you to think about what's happening here. I want you to fall in love, but I want you to fall in love with someone who you know, for sure, will be there to give it back to you. Of course, if he's straight, then he won't be able to give you the love that you need and deserve. And I don't want to see you hurt so consider this guy as a friend-and just a friend, mijo. Remember that you are still young, and there'll be plenty of chances to meet more guys. So have fun with your youth, concentrate in school, always feel proud to be who you are, and give your heart to someone who will be there to give it back to you!

Dear Papi,
Why does the QV community have so much sexual content? Every QV pride, every popular dance/party just reveals naked men all the time. Why can't we just express ourselves with class and respect, rather than showing our asses off to turn a few heads? How can we expect society to accept us if we express ourselves this way to each other? I am proud of who I am, but at the same time, I feel the community does not represent me. And I know for a fact there are others out there like me. -Benji

Dear Benji,
There are many possible reasons why the QV community has so much sexual content. It could be that since QVs have repressed their sexuality for so long, that when they are given the opportunity to let it out, they let it out in full force. Or it could be the obvious and that is-sex simply sells, and that's where you get the QV advertisers showing half-naked guys to sell you something. Regardless of the reasons above, how do we, as a community, change our image, if we so choose to? We can start, for example, in the media, by start showing QV people as regular people. That means, showing QV people who enjoy sex, but whose lives don't fully revolve around it. And you'll be glad to know that these "clean" images are becoming more widespread and can be seen in magazines like Hero, Out, The Advocate, etc. and also on shows like "Will and Grace."

Dear Papi,
I've been dating this guy for a year now. When I first met him, I immediately told him I was HIV+. He still wanted to date me and be with me. For the first couple of months, we had a terrific relationship, then after a few more months, we started having fights. We would fight and then make up by having sex-but we wouldn't use a condom. It was our way of making up, to show that we really wanted to get back together and be together. But after a lot of fights, and making up, I'm realizing that he's the wrong guy for me. I'm afraid to break up because if I gave him HIV, I would never be able to forgive myself. I feel I'm stuck in this relationship out of guilt. What should I do?

Dear Mijo,
If your heart is telling you that the guy you are dating is not the one for you, then consider moving on. I know you feel guilty that you might have given him the HIV virus, but you don't know if you gave it to him, for sure. And even if he gets tested and comes out positive, you should not "beat yourself up" as he played a part of that decision to have sex without a condom. Not to mention, he was fully aware of the risks involved in the situation! In any case, talk to him now and let him know how you feel, and whatever you do, don't let your guilt keep you in a relationship where your heart doesn't want to be. Good luck, mijo!

Dear Papi,
For the first time in my life, I'm in love with this one guy. We are both happy and in love, but the only thing I hate most about being QV is that we have to hide from people when we kiss or have a close hug. You know what I mean? Today, for example, when he came to visit me, I wanted to give him a big kiss, but I couldn't because my family was there.

Dear Mijo,
I understand where you are coming from. Being in love and not being able to even hold hands in public can be difficult. Believe it or not, we are beginning to witness some positive changes for the QV community as we speak. Historically, issues like QV marriage weren't even discussed in public-but now it's among the most discussed social issues. Of course, it might look like things aren't moving as fast as they could, but at least, we're moving in the right direction. My advice to you, if you are out to your family, is to let them know that, just like what straight people can do, it should be okay for you to be able to show your affection to your partner around your family.

Write to Dear Papi! Send an e-mail to dearpapi@qvmagazine.com. Please address all letters to Dear Papi.



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