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Half Open-Half ClosedA Latino Brother contemplates the apples and the oranges (again)
Let me tell you about my situation. For the first 25 years of my life, I grew up "straight." Then I met my first boyfriend, which was a new experience for me since I had only dated girls. After my first boyfriend came and went, I met another one and then, a third. I was with my third for six years. But today, to make a long story short, I'm currently dating a girl (a real girl, not a queen!), and I am very SATISFIED, if you catch my drift. The only dilemma is that my friends are telling me that I am wasting my time. But I believe GOD put us on this earth to love one another - no matter who that love is for. I've tried both men and women and to me, I'm at a point where I believe a woman can fill a void in my life; the one my ex-boyfriend used to fill. My dilemma is that my QV friends make it seem like once you've been with a guy, there's no turning back. They tell me that just because I've dated guys that I'm QV. They snap their fingers, put hand to hip and say, "Girl, you've kicked that closet door down, now come out!" But I don't consider myself in denial, regardless of how many guys I've dated or spent time with. I have always known that I would end up with a girl, get married and have children. As a young Hispanic, I know many of you are probably feeling pressure to be straight from family, relatives and straight friends. But for my situation, no one is pressuring me to do what I am doing. There is no machismo at work here. This is just how I honestly feel. Most of us go through life trying on different pairs of shoes, until we find a pair that fits. ¿Qué no? Well, I believe I have found the right pair, that is, the right person for me. I've had my cake and eaten it too, but what I really crave is a woman. Sound confusing? Just because I've invited men into my life to share a part of it, does not necessarily mean that I am QV. And just because I've invited women into my life doesn't necessarily mean I'm only straight. I don't really believe in the term bisexuality. I believe that you are either one or the other and that one can just jump over the fence once in a while. And who cares if you jump over that fence once in a while? Unless, of course, you are in a committed relationship, because believe me, I do not advocate unfaithfulness - that was the cause of the break-up in my last relationship. But right now, I am in a committed relationship with a beautiful girl, (and no, I'm not the girl). When I was single, I didn't mind jumping over the fence because it was all in safe fun. But in the back of my mind, I always knew what I liked. My friends still think I'm wrong. However, I don't feel that I should be shunned by either community just because I don't consider myself QV or straight. I accept and support the QVs very much, and I feel a very strong sense of belonging to that community. But only on an emotional and spiritual level, not physical. What I do behind closed doors, whether those doors are half-opened or half-closed, should have no bearing on what I think of myself and how others should perceive me. I'll stand for you and support you, brothers and sisters. What I'm trying to get at is: believe in who and what you are. By doing this, you won't live by anyone's definitions or boundaries. You'll set your own! Do what makes you happy, and if you are feeling confused or unsure of yourself, especially your sexuality, come and talk to me or e-mail me here at QVMagazine@aol.com. I'll teach you what I know, and we'll take it from there. |
What constitutes being QV or
straight or bisexual? And what does it matter?