qv15 Dear Papi

The qvPapi Is In!
Dear Mijos! I've been busy writing to a lot of you! It's good to read your feedback and the improvements you've made with your lives. As always, I'm hear to help you out so if you feel the need to ask me a question, e-mail me at DearPapi@qvMagazine.com.

Dear Papi,

I'm a 36 year old Latino and have a lover who is 27 years old. The problem is that we fight about everything. He often tells me that I'm ugly and that no one will want me at my age! We have been together for over 10 years, and I do care for him, but he makes me feel unwanted. What should I do? Lost in San Antonio

Dear Lost in San Antonio,
It saddens me to hear that your boyfriend seems to want to put you down instead of lifting you and your spirit up. Certainly, there are moments of love, but I think you've fallen into a cycle. What I mean is that you've been together for 10 years, and it's far easier to stay with each other even though he verbally abuses you, than it is to start over again with a new person. But what you can do is talk to your man now! Tell him that you love him, but under no circumstances will you ever be subjected to his verbal abuse again. It's not fair to put you in this situation so stand your ground, and if he continues to abuse you, leave the relationship. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and dignity. If your current man is not the one to give it to you, then find somebody else who will. Good luck!

Dear Papi,
I'm QV and not ashamed of it, but the thing is-I don't like QV people or the QV scene. I am out to my family and friends, and I don't have a problem accepting myself. I have pride as a Latino, but I'm just not attracted to the QV scene or those people, who live their lives around it. My boyfriend and I broke up after two years because he said I was too anti-QV. I like who I am and I stand for what I believe in, but what do you think is going on? I hear it over and over that, "How can a QV guy not like QV folks?" What do you think?

Dear Mijo,
Ask yourself why you dislike the QV scene and QV people. Is it because you might perceive the QV scene as only being about sex? Is it because you envision the QV scene by what is shown on T.V.? I think a good solution for you is to be open to it. This doesn't mean you have to be in it, but it means allowing yourself not to feel hatred for it. Sometimes in our society, the QV scene is the only support we get. It's a time where we can reach out to others just like ourselves. It's the support system that many can't find with their own families. Of course, you don't have to hang out in the scene at all, but there will be times when you will need to reach out to your peers, especially if you want to find a partner! So be open to those who need this support system, and who feel a need to be a part of it.

Dear Papi,
I am an older Latino, a real Papi! I am one of the original Latinos who worked with the Chicano Movement in L.A., and I wonder sometimes, "How can I help young QV Chicanos who are coming out?" I know that most of our families are so affected by our Catholic roots, machismo, and homophobia. And I thank God I am not coming out again. Is your role only to answer questions that have to do with love affairs? Thank You Hermano! P.S. Feels good to be able to talk to a bro!

Dear Real Papi,
Thank you for writing to me. My role is to encourage self-esteem. My belief is that every person has worth, but when you (generally speaking) are QV, you are sometimes brought down so low that it seems incredibly hard to rise again. My focus is to build motivation in each person so that they can rise to a higher self-esteem. I emphasize that no matter what a person's sexual orientation is, that they are truly valuable and should always reinforce that. If anything, I never encourage people to say, "Why me?" Instead, I encourage them to stand up tall and say, "Hey, I'm glad to be QV!" Of course, it starts with the mind, and I encourage people to take control of it. I tell people to feed it with positive messages, and make themselves stronger. I emphasize that only you can make yourself stronger and only you can lift yourself up to a higher self-esteem. I believe there's so many opportunities to live a good life, and I certainly believe that if a person starts with himself, then he can achieve great success, whether it be mentally, emotionally, spiritually or even financially.


Write to Dear Papi! Send an e-mail to dearpapi@qvmagazine.com. Please address all letters to Dear Papi.

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