qv15 Astrolo-V

Hola Papis!

It's me again, the fierce, sexy, seductive, fabulous La Chicharona, and I'm just hangin' here with my latest flame. Oh, ah, I just had a quick flashback! For some reason, I just saw myself back in the groovy days when I was just a beauty queen in training. And now look what I've become-a full fledge sexy diva who gets to hang out with all the fine qvBoys out there! Not bad for a girl who had nothing! So if you hang with me, I'll introduce you to everyone I know, but first, let me read you your stars!

 ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Hold onto your hat...there are some big changes coming your way! First of all, you'll be meeting a new man! Well, don't move so fast because you already have a man! And just when you think you have it under control, you'll find yourself meeting a third man! Well, hunny, it's just your charm that attracts them to you, but take a long walk on the playa and think about who will treat you better-and not who will give you the best sex!
 TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Oops! You did it again! You played with his heart and got lost in the game! My advice, mijo? Stop cheating! You say you're not that innocent, but I know you have some good in you, so change yourself now and start showing some heart to everyone!
 GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Boy, I hear your favorite show is Scooby Doo on the Cartoon Network and that's all you ever talk about! But baby, you need to come out of the house, and quite frankly-come out of the closet! It's about time to be proud of yourself so start knocking down those doors! And then and only then, will you get your Scooby reward: not one, but three Scooby Snacks!
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Wow, I hear you want to be President of the United States! Can you imagine? Who would have thought? After all, you were always a leader. You were the head of the Girl Scouts, the head of cheerleading, and you always knew how to work the men. And now you want to be in the White House! Did you say as President-or as the first lady?
 LEO (July 23-Aug. 23)
I know it's hot outside, but start a fire in your fireplace! Stare at the flames and evaluate your life! Think about starting your own business because it's about time you stop working for somebody else-and start working for yourself. Hunny, I know this because ever since I opened up my underwear shop, La Chicharona's Secrets, I've been living it up! I'm the CEO! I get free undies, and I get to stare at my Latino male mannequins all day! Que rico!
 VIRGO (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
It's time for a change! Get some money, go to the store, and buy some 70s clothes! You know me, I say take a chance and stand out from the rest! Put on those bell bottoms and with your nose in the air, show the guys what you're all about! Just one thing-no daisy dukes, pleeeeeze!
LIBRA (Sept. 24-oct. 22)
I hear you only wear imitations! Instead of Tommy Hilfiger, you buy Tummy's. Instead of Polo, you buy Polas! Instead of Calvin Klein, you buy Calvin Klones! Well, I know that you're hurting with money, but try not to sacrifice your potential! If you want to be the best, then strive for the best! Get a Porsche, the mansion, the yacht, the castle-whatever! I know you can do it, but you just need a little push!
 SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Wow, you really want to play football? Great, all you have to do is start today! Forget about breaking fingernails or high heels. Instead, start focusing on tackling men, chasing them, then afterwards, taking showers with them! Damn, if this isn't a good enough reason to start, then I don't know what is!
 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
What's this about you drinking eggs for breakfast? Great! I know I'm into fitness so keep it up! I also recommend protein bars and protein shakes-some that have at least 30-50 grams of protein! Take advantage of all the stuff that's out there, and start learning about your health today! God knows you should take care of your body, because if you don't, nobody else will!
 CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Stop burping and cutting farts in front of people! Be proper and learn some good mannerisms. Well, for starts, you can open the door for your man, throw your coat on the ground for him, or buy him some flowers! I know it seems like a lot of work, but you owe it to yourself to become a gentleman!
 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
What? You're still cheating on your man?! But he's a great guy! He's been there for you and has helped you with your problems-not to mention, he even gets along with your parents! He's the one who I strongly suggest you consider marrying! Come on, it's not the 80s, 90s, anymore. It's the 00s and it's time to settle down!
 PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Why do you feel un-sexy, un-worthy, un-good-looking, and un-handsome? You're not any of those things- so stop using the "un" in your life! Look at yourself in the mirror and start telling yourself that you got it all! You got a man, a good job, a peaceful life-and you got your fabulous La Chicharona! xoxoxo!


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