qv12 Astrolo-V

Can you believe my dear old auntie Chona has bought herself an apartment in Miami Beach?

So I guess she's not coming back and that I, your lovely, sexy, fabulous La Chicharona, get to read you your stars! Anyway, did I ever tell you about my new sexy man, Ren? He's the fiercest guy I've ever dated, and ohh that's him to your right. He's such a firme, sexy guy, and he's all mine!


 ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You are going to fall in love with the finest guy on Earth, but there's one thing I gotta tell ya-he's going to be straight! Straight to bed, that is! So respect yourself, take things slowly, and show your "bedroom eyes" man what true romance is all about!
 TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Ha! You're going to be on the Chisme News Network-I mean CNN, and the reporters are going to ask you some sensitive questions about your sexuality! So what are you going to say? Hmm, baby, just open the door, come out to the world, and show your true feminine colors-as if they hadn't clocked you already!
 GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
An Aries is going to boost your ego by saying how great you are! All your hard work will pay off and you will be recognized as Employee of the Year! Hmm... could this mean a big promotion and a fat raise? Psst..by the way...you look sexy with your thick wallet-I mean with your hard-working attitude!
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
It seems like you're going to carry a lot of other people's baggage-but drop their Samsonites and carry your own. You have a lot of things to work out, especially with your current man so flex your muscles and repair the damage. In time, you'll get your just rewards and the respect of others.
 LEO (July 23-Aug. 23)
Be an individual! Separate yourself from the crowd and develop a unique style. Try changing your hair color or getting some contacts to make you look ultra-glamorous. Que lindo! With the new "you," you'll be the most popular girl around-I mean boy!
 VIRGO (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Stop being a bi**h and appreciate everything your family has done for you. Tell them how much you love them and take time to give thanks for all the blessings you have in your life-including having me in your life!
LIBRA (Sept. 24-oct. 22)
Congratulations! After being single for months, you've finally found a man. Is it true you're really considering marriage? If so, I can hardly wait to attend the ceremony and throw rice on you! Just one thing-will you be wearing white?
 SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Contrary to the rumors about you, you're going to be on top! You're going to be it-a Jacklyn Smith of Charlie's Angels, but beware of people who might try to pull you down. Put your heel on the ground and be strong! After all, no matter what happens to you, you'll always have your own line of clothing-even if it's sold at the Big K!
 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Baby, it looks like you'll be flying high in your own jet airplane. You'll be wining and dining at the finest restaurants in the country, but one question for ya! Where's your man? Better open your heart now because I see someone coming. Just avoid situations that could cause a flaming queen to cramp your lavish lifestyle! Ccccrrraash!
 CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Honey, it's time to get into shape! Sign up at the gym and work your glutes like crazy. Ay papi! In no time, you're going to look like those fine-ass policemen, firemen, and military men that I've always wanted! And you can come over my house anytime of the day!
 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I hear you want to go back to school. Great! You know, life is journey of hard work, but getting an education can make the path a lot easier. So enroll today and pursue a new career path. Go for it and earn that Master's Degree from UBS-the University of Beauty School!
 PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Baby, you're full of shh! I mean, full of sheer talent, and I think it's time for you to move to Hollywood. Be the funny guy you started out to be and make 'em laugh. Follow your dreams now, or else things will slip through your fingers and you'll be doing the same boring 9 to 5 job thing you're doing now!


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