qvMagazine
qv11 Astrolo-V


Hello all you fine chulos out there!
Well, it's your fierce, sexy, beautiful, fabulous, glamorous, enchanting La Chicharona! Once again, I gotta' tell ya-I'm hip! I mean I'm really really hip! Just check out the latest guy I've been seeing. His name is sexy Martin, and baby, he's gorgeous. He's a wonderful man, who even does my laundry, too-and to think we might be married. Anyway, about my unhip tia La Chona? She's still in Miami, probably playing bridge or knitting. I thought she would be home by now to tell you your future, but she's not-maybe she doesn't care, anymore. But the good news is I get to read your stars again. So if you hang with me, I'll treat you right-not to mention you'll be hanging with the best of the best. I might even introduce you to some of the sexiest men you've ever seen.


   ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You'll go from shy to outgoing in a matter of seconds-just like when Diana Prince spun around and turned into Wonder Woman! You'll feel on top of the world, especially as you look down from your invisible jet, but keep your head grounded. Be open to new ideas and new changes. Remember last year, when I bought my first pair of Victoria's Secret underwear? I changed, and man, I felt like a woman! Oops! Sorry boys, just got carried away. Ah, what the hell! Some of you guyz are girlz, anyway.
   TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
You're beautiful, damn it! So it's time for you to stop being so concerned about your looks. Believe me, a lot of guys are after you, so enjoy the attention and take pride in your beautiful body and handsome face-but don't get too conceited on me! In terms of your love life, pay no attention to all the bad things you've heard about Scorpios-there's one out there whose sting may turn out to be a gentle love tap.
   GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
I see you've been trying to click with the "A" group. Well, try no more because things are coming to a full circle. People whom you thought hated you will end up telling you how much they've always liked you. Your personal magnetism, your sex appeal, and those buns of steel you've worked so hard to get will make you more desirable. So enjoy your new friends and put on that animal magnetism that drives men-and your sexy La Chicharona-wild.
  CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Money, money, money! My tea leaves say it's time for you to start focusing on money. Play the lottery, make some good investments, or save a penny -whatever it is, make the best choice. Oh yeah! Get ready for a man to come into your life and tell you that he finds you simply irresistible. Although you might think he's really a kind man, be warned. Truth is, he probably wants to get into your chones-but hey! That may be just what you want, too!
   LEO (July 23-Aug. 23)
Are you living in a dream world? Snap out of it, 'cuz life ain't no dream. Just think of all the things that have passed you by. Remember the night I stopped over to see you? That was the real thing, baby. That was no fantasy! And to think you could have had all of me-160 lbs. of fierce muscle. Too bad you were in "la la" land so I left you alone. But in the meantime, prepare yourself for the Y2K. Get rid of your Windows and move to where the grass is greener-iMac style.
   VIRGO (Aug. 24-Sept. 23)
Be responsible! The buck stops here, so you better listen up. Stay focused on what you are doing-especially if it has to do with finances. Be sure to make your credit card payments on time, and pay off that loan you took out to buy that fierce strand of feminine pearls. If you don't get on the ball now, your credit rating will plummet, forcing you to wear drag queen hand-me-downs-like La Chona does (gasp!).
  LIBRA (Sept. 24-oct. 22)
Things are a little tough in your life, but work hard, get rid of everyone who pulls you down, and climb up that corporate ladder. Keep your mind in full gear because intelligence is the way to go. And one more thing, some Aries man will come into your life and help you keep your attitude alive. Show this new friend your heart because it might turn to love.
   SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
It's time for you to turn over a new leaf. Make a fresh start in your life and get in touch with your feminine side. Forget the football, and learn how to sing-soprano. Send yourself some flowers to show how much you appreciate yourself and be proud of who you are.
   SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
What's this I hear about you going to have a commitment ceremony? Hmmm child, I don't mean to surprise you, but you're a ho! I ain't sayin' you can't change, but this is a commitment-and it should be coming from your heart. The day you say you're a one man man is the day I will become straight! But in any case, you must do what you must do. So go live your life, but live it wisely, productively, and with style!
   CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
It's time to listen to your friends so keep your mouth shut. If not, they won't be around, anymore, and you'll find yourself singing the blues. So you being a friend, you should call up your amigos, invite them out to dinner, and be the kind-hearted guy that you started out to be. If you're tempted to say anything bad, just remember the old saying, "loose lips, sinks ship."
   AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Mi santo is telling me that you'll be doing new things that you never thought you would be doing. Remember Star Search? That will be your time to show your extraordinary talent-even when you walk down the runway in the spokesmodel competition. No matter what negative energy abounds, use it to make yourself more determined. Whip yourself out of bed, go for the gusto, and walk yourself to the top!
   PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
It looks like you'll meet the man of your dreams in a few weeks! The only thing is...what to do with your current man. I know you want them both, but avoid what could be drama. Also, check your pulse! Friends have been saying that you are not as lively as you use to be. Get your heart rate up to 120-160, and drink lots of water! Get your energy level up-because that will help you, especially in the bedroom.

 


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