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Forever Young"I'm almost
40. I'm losing my hair. I could stand to lose a few pounds. But,
for 39, I could be worse. I'm not going to be 23 all my life.
That's reality-that's the way it's supposed to be."
Frank's coming out experience began late in life-just four years ago-at the age of 36. Though he had his first QV experience when he was 20, he didn't consider himself QV at that time. Instead, he became engaged to a woman who, interestingly enough, left him for another woman! A few years later, he met another woman whom he married and whom he stayed with for five and a half years. They had two children together, but in the end, their marriage didn't work out. He does, however, maintain a good relationship with his ex-wife and especially with his kids. Frank is a proud father and knows that he's not alone in being a Latino dad. He explains, "There are a lot of fathers in the Latino community. It is a cultural thing to get married, have kids, and 'be a man.' The way you prove your manhood is by having children and being responsible." After his marriage, Frank thought it was about time to explore his homosexuality a little more. He explains, "I had been denying a part of myself and my life, so I decided to explore it, and I've been happy ever since." What's it like to come out so late in life? Frank says that there are certainly some challenges-one of the biggest of which is finding other Latinos his same age. There are few places that he knows of (other than the clubs and the general Latino scene) where he can go to meet other men his age. Sometimes, it's frustrating for him to realize that he's "too old" to be able to attend events being held for younger Latinos. He explains, "There was an organization that I had to call to have my name removed from their mailing because it was depressing every time I got something from them and realized I wasn't a '20 something' anymore." One of the reasons Frank believes that there are so few places for men his age is, tragically, because there simply aren't many older QV men who are still alive. "There is this big gap in the QV community of men between 35 and maybe 41," he says. "The reality is that a lot of men in my age group are not here-because of AIDS." Frank, furthermore, adds, "A lot of times when people ask me how old I am, I'll say, 'I'm 39.' And their response will be, 'Wow!' (Pauses) I really don't know if they are amazed that I look good for 39 or amazed that I'm still alive. It's sad, but it's true." Another observation Frank has made about people his age is that most of them are HIV positive. He says, "Of the men that I do know who are over 30, probably more than half have this disease. The last time I got tested, I was negative. So in a way, I'm lucky that I wasn't in the scene in my early 20s (during the early to mid '80s when AIDS was still new). But thankfully, we've come a long way and people are now living with the disease longer. In fact, I met a 40-year-old the other day who has been positive for 10 years-he's tested undetectable for the last three years." Another observation Frank has made about people his age is that they often have fears of being alone. He explains, "A lot of QV men in my age group stay in the relationships they are in-no matter how difficult or bad the relationship might be. They tend to think, 'I'd rather be in this bad relationship, than be alone.' It's not easy." So where does Frank draw hope and inspiration from? Quite simply by taking care of himself inside and out. He says, "I have one good friend who's in his 50s. He's a good man, and he's very youthful in the sense that he realizes who he is. He stays healthy emotionally, physically, and spiritually. He gives me hope. He enjoys life and takes it one day at a time." In a QV community that sometimes puts so much value on looks and image, it can be really tough. But Frank reminds, "You can put on all the make-up you want, put on all the cool clothes you want, do all the liposuction you want, but if it doesn't come from inside, you won't be attractive. I've seen guys who might not be models, but they've got hearts of gold and they're good people inside. That inner beauty comes out and makes them look beautiful all around. Looks will fade, so if beauty doesn't come from inside, it's not going to show." Francisco's Life in Politics Career-wise, Frank has done very well for himself. He has been an educator, a college counselor, and for the last nine years, he has worked in public policy with numerous California politicians such as Gil Garcetti, Richard Alatorre, and Mike Hernandez. He was also involved with the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), worked with unions, and helped deregulate long distance in California. From his insider's perspective, Frank has seen many positive changes for Latinos. He says, "The new generation of Latino politicians tend to be more progressive in their thinking about QV rights and the Latino community." But Frank warns, "We just need to be careful that we are not simply being used as a political pawn. We need to become more politically active and politically involved. The Latino community is huge-much larger than we even think it to be. We have to show that we vote, spend money, and are loyal if they are loyal to us. We just have to watch how they (our political representatives) vote on certain issues like QV marriage or domestic partner medical benefits. We have to ask, "Do those politicians, who say great things at QV functions, translate their words into votes on the senate or house floor?' " After all his exciting work in politics and education, Frank recently decided to take a little time off from the political arena. He explains, "I spent half my life making everyone else happy, but I got to a point where I realized I needed to take care of me. So the last thing I went to was (California Governor) Gray Davis' victory party in November (1998)-that was six or seven months ago." Today, Frank is using his time off to do the things he enjoys most. He is writing, which he says is very cathartic for him. He's also concentrating on getting himself back into shape. He explains, "I recently did the Rosarito to Ensenada bike ride-that was fun. I'm looking to maybe do a couple of triathlons this summer. Now they categorize me-I'm in the older group now!" But regardless, for Frank, turning 40 is exciting. "I look forward to turning 40. I look at it as positive," he says. "It's really what you make out of it. I want to do something crazy like going to Spain and doing the running of the bulls. I want to do the whole nine yards-even get dressed up in white with the red sash. I want to do something different to celebrate that I've made it this far. I've reached half my life, and I'm looking forward to the next half." Any advice to the younger Latinos? Frank believes that we Latinos need to learn to help each other. "Too often, we compete with our own kind, when we should be helping each other up the rungs of the ladder," he says. "Other cultures have learned, and I think we need to learn to do that, too. There was a Latino artist who I helped get started. He got his first show, then another show. Now, he's getting his work printed, and he recently told me, 'I owe you everything!' But I told him, 'No, you owe somebody else everything-the guy behind you. I'm just paying back for the guy in front of me, who helped me out and believed in me.' " by qvStaff Roldán
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The
age of 40 is often looked at as a turning point in people's lives.
To some, it's an age that kind of signals an end to youth. Well,
the truth of the matter is that 40 is indeed a turning point-but
a positive turning point. At least that is what Francisco Negrete,
a 39-year-old QV Chicano from Los Angeles, believes. He's looking
forward to turning the big 4-0 with great anticipation.