Welcome to the Diversity
Issue, mijos!
I
am proud to be a part of your life, and I'm always here to help
you in any way I can. If you have a question on your mind, write
to me-even if your question includes boy troubles! I'll give
you some helpful advice to make your life a little bit easier!
E-mail me at: DearPapi@yahoo.com.
Dear Papi, I am an 18-year-old mature
Latino, and I'm currently seeing a 32-year-old Latino man.
Everything was cool until he asked me my age. I told him I was
18, and he was surprised. Although we both share a tremendous
number of interests and feelings, it seems like my age is holding
our relationship back. What should I do?
Dear Mijo: Talk to your man and ask him
how he feels about the overall relationship. Then, ask him how
he feels about the age difference. If your man wants to be with
you, he will have to accept you as you are. After all, your age
is something you can't control, and it seems like you two were
doing well before the age factor came up. Your papi thinks your
relationship can work out, but only if he's willing to forget
the age factor and focus on why he got together with you in the
first place-for you being you. If he still feels uncomfortable
about your age after your talk, regardless of the good times
you might have had with him, then consider finding someone else,
someone who'll accept you just as you are. Good luck, mijo!
Dear Papi, I am a 27-year-old Latino.
I am 100% Mexican, and I'm proud of my race, but there is one
major thing that makes me different-I am native to the Netherlands,
and my first language is Dutch. Many (but not all) Latinos find
it odd that I do not share the same customs they have and lack
the same cultural background, too. Some Latinos tend to make
me feel like an outcast. I do not speak Spanish, and I speak
with a heavy Dutch accent. Of course, I didn't ask to have the
upbringing that I've had, but I am proud to be Mexican, and a
"Neiderlaahnder." Latinos come from all kinds of backgrounds
and upbringings, and I don't believe my situation makes me any
LESS LATINO. Alfstubleift!
Dear Latino: You summed it up perfectly
when you said Latinos come in all backgrounds and upbringings.
Be proud of your upbringing and make light of your situation.
It's like being QV-you certainly learned how to handle the "outside
world," especially to make life easier so do the same with
those bad comments. Just remember it's hard to control what other
people say, but you can certainly control how you react to the
situation. Tune out those bad comments, say something funny to
change a negative situation into a positive, and show that you're
in control. Be strong and let your confidence overwhelm any bad
situation.
Dear Papi, I want to come out, but I
have nobody to talk to. What can I do? How can I meet people
who are QV? Or if I like someone, how can I tell if they are
QV? -Moses M.
Dear Moses: When you discover you are QV,
sometimes you may feel like you are the only one out there, but
trust me, mijo, there are a lot of QV people out there! You
have support everywhere, but the important thing is to find it!
The first step is to speak to a local counselor, who can tell
you about the many different services available for you, who
can give you information, and who can support you-so you can
meet other people just like yourself. If you live in Los Angeles,
you might want to call up some youth organizations like Bienestar
or Jovenes In Action! You can find these numbers in the back
of the magazine. If you are not in LA, then check your local
QV organizations in the phone book. If anything, if you start
today and surround yourself with supportive people, you will
gain confidence-so that when you are ready to come out, that
is, if you decide to come out, you will have the mental strength
to do so. Good luck, mijo!
Dear Papi, My boyfriend and I have been
going out for nine months. I really care about him, but I sense
that our romance is withering away. He says he likes me, and
I like him, too. What do you think is going on? Should we continue
our relationship or call it quits? -A Lost Romantic
Dear Lost Romantic: If all that you need
is romance, then try new things to spark the flame. First, talk
to your man and tell him exactly what you just told me. Tell
him you want to spice up the relationship and say these words,
"And I need your help." Sparking the flame is a dual
effort so it's really important to get him involved. Suggest
doing something like a "surprise date" for him. This
is taking your man out on a date-which includes dinner and a
movie-but not revealing where you are going...just keeping him
guessing as the night goes on and until you get to the places.
Then next week, let him surprise you with one of those nights.
Be creative and have fun with this "Sparking the Flame"
session because there's a lot of great things you two can do
together.
Dear Papi! My boyfriend and I have both
agreed that whenever we would say something, we had to mean it.
With this in mind, he had a problem saying, "I love you"-even
after being together for six months. This hurt me so much that
I broke up with him, but now I regret it. When I call him, he's
always too busy to talk to me. What can I do? -Robb
Dear Robb: Call your ex-boyfriend and tell
him to please listen to you. Tell him you might have reacted
too quickly with your emotions when you broke up with him, and
that you really like him. Ask him to be open with you and to
tell you why he has had difficulty saying, "I love you."
Tell him that no matter what he says, you will respect his answer
and, of course, his honesty. Just remember if he has had difficulty
saying I love you, he might be a person who feels more comfortable
expressing these words through action, or maybe it's an easier
way of telling you that he just wants to be friends. If anything,
listen carefully to what he has to say because his answer will
help you decide whether to continue the relationship, be friends,
or go your separate ways. Good luck and get some answers-ahora!
Write to Dear Papi! Send an e-mail to
dearpapi@qvmagazine.com.
Please address all letters to Dear Papi.
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