Astrolo-V
by La Chona


 

AUTUMN FORECAST

Ay mijos, Although we're now in the summer heat, relationships for mis hijos may be warming up! Get ready to find that hombre who will give you the sensual feeling you've been yearning for. As always, your dear ol' La Chona (who's now scanning every discount store she can for a nice faux fur coat before the winter hits) will continue looking out for you and letting you know what the stars have in store for you.

 

Aries (March 21-April 19):

It's that time of the year! Rekindle old friendships that you've been neglecting. Keep your heart open, because you never know-one of your long lost friends might turn out to be the love of your life. Before you head off on some new romantic journey, keep your career priorities in check, and get all your work done. La Chona doesn't want to see her Aries mijo in the unemployment line right before the Holidays!

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

Although you're normally the life of the party, what you really need to do is find one special friend to hang out with rather than mixing with a big crowd. You'll be satisfied this way. Also, I can see that your creative juices are starting to overflow. Use that energy and start a new hobby like uh...football or basketball! You say no? Then what...sewing-so you can make your fabulous La Chona a new dress?

Gemini (May 21-June20):

Time to get out of the house! La Chona sees you want to be around new people. She also sees that you're the kind of person who needs to feel validated. Don't sweat it, honey! Go to a club and let loose! If anything, your humble and sweet attitude will be more than enough to attract people to you. Just go with the flow, have fun, and see what happens!

Cancer (June 21-July 22):
 
Oh my! Stop saying "I need a man!" Right now, focus on your relationship with your best friend. Lately, it seems you've been neglecting him so make amends, give him a hug, and treat him to a nice dinner and movie. Be the kind-hearted friend that you started out to be. Just don't send him any roses-baby, you promised those to me!

Leo (July 23-August 22):

Be spontaneous! Take a spur of the moment trip! It will do you wonders. If your man treats you like sh*t, then leave him at home and take a trip by yourself! Let me suggest Miami (La Ciudad Caliente) where the music is pumping and the boyzz are bumping. A steamy trip may open your eyes to new points of view, so try walking in a new pair of shoes. You can even take your walk in my pumps.

Virgo (August 23-September 22):

Your single days are over! La Chona foresees a handsome domestic partner coming your way! You'll finally learn what it means to truly be enamorado-just make sure you are confident around your new man but not overbearing. If everything turns out right, you'll find yourself singing, "All The Man I Need" especially on the way to the bedroom.

Libra (September 23-October 22):

Even though you're a really busy loco, don't forget to take care of yourself! Slow down and listen to your body's signals-and I'm not talking about your libido signals. Let your body rest to full perfection 'cuz once you're ready for the spotlight, you'll be the talk of the town-just like I am!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21):

It's true! People really do think you're a player, but actually, you're a kind-hearted one man type of guy-the kind who would never think about cheating on anyone (Except for that one time you were...oops, never mind, that's our little secret). Be a caring person and do something special for your friends and your man. Listen to your instincts-and no, not your carnal ones.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21):

You'll be looking FINE this time of the year! Ha! And you thought you were "all that" this past summer. No baby, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Right around Halloween, you'll find yourself gettin' all the fine papacitos. Stay somewhat in control of your hormones because you never know when someone may take you too seriously. Remember the movie "Fatal Attraction?"

Capricorn (December 22-January 19):

You'll find yourself being very opinionated this month, but be careful-think before you speak! If you don't handle yourself properly, it may bite you on the ass, and you could lose some friendships this way. If you're tempted to say anything bad such as "he's a bitch," run to the bathroom, put Zest in your mouth, and clean out what could be some terrible filth! At the very least, hold your breath and count to ten. Your amigos will respect you for it.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18):

It's the dawning of the Age of Aquarius! Take everything you have and be generous-even with me, La Chona! It doesn't even matter if it's something cheap (like my beautiful eye lashes from the swap meet), because it's the thought that counts. You're a social butterfly, so spread your wings, and share both your love and laughter with everyone.

Pisces (February 19-March 20):

You've given up partying for now! And to think you were the biggest party animal last month! But right now, your mind is on shopping. What a great time to hit the malls. Show your heart and buy something for your man. But knowing you, you'll probably buy him a shirt, shoes, pants, socks, underwear, or anything, but end up keeping it for yourself! Just like a man!

 


 

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